"To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. That is to have succeeded." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Really nice quote. It reminds me of how Semso helped save his girlfriend from suicide. It's really hard to imagine that but it could have happened. I view him as a sort of hero in that way because of how someone can help and prevent really bad things from happening. Suicide is not the way to go. I feel sad when I read up on other people on the internet who killed themselves. I think to myself that maybe I could have prevented that in some way; I want to help. You know, when I was younger and dumber I actually thought about doing it. That's when I was a bit atheist and denied the truth. When I think about it, who knows, I could have died if my life went in another direction and read false books and believed it. I'm really glad now that this is what's happened since then, and that I'm not "just another" sad story. Maybe the reason why I didn't go in the wrong direction is because I am too cowardly to do it, and because I want to leave this world with a respectable reputation or life that would be interesting enough to be remembered in history. That's probably my main goal, but I doubt it would happen unless I steal a history book and write myself in there somewhere. Maybe I should be a do-gooder and help out everyone like Mother Teresa, I don't know. Well, I'm going to sleep to watch some "movies". Talk to you later.
Thursday, March 31, 2005
Monday, March 28, 2005
Realization
What isn't there to talk about? Let me start by saying again that the note was a bad idea. Semso's calling me a stalker and saying she's scared of me? That scares me. I don't ever want to scare someone like that, it doesn't make sense. So I guess it's done for, no problem. It's a good thing I read a few things before that changed my idea's on love. Some people say, if I can't have you I won't be able to live. Sure... Some others kill themselves too after seeing they can't have someone, that's dumb. There's no good reason to kill yourself --probably besdies Euthanasia which I don't know what to say about. There really isn't, you've been given the greatest gift and take it for granted. So, enough of that, I'll move on. I just don't want her to be scared at all, my intentions are for good not stupid stuff like scaring people. I'll still feel it once in a while yeah, but I've got no regrets and that's important to me, I guess. There's so many other people in the world, even if you think there isn't. It's Really hard to imagine 6 billion people lined up, that's true, but that's how many people there are! So look at the world from a different and larger point of view, there's so much to do.
This weekend was really fun, besides the fact that I got suspended. Thursday night Wathen and I drove around and did nothing really, that was ok since I got to drive his car up my street. Friday I went to Semso's, we rented NBA Street V3 and it was boring all day since he didn't want to go anywhere, plus that game sucks. I played it for the first time today and beat his ass in it. So on saturday we went to the NY International Auto Show, now that was awsome. Being around so many exotic, foreign, concept, and new factory cars was amazing since it was my first time going to any show like that. The cars there were nothing short of awsome. Lamborghini, Ferrari, Saleen, Audi, Mercedes-Benz, BMW, Ford, Nissan, and whatever else was there. My muscles ached from standing up for so long plus, we worked out the day before and my back had it the worst. Then from there we just walked around and sooner or later headed home. That was like 10 and got home at 12. Then we watched Hostage, pretty crazy film. The whole storyline was good and what got me had to be the scary stoner/goth kid who's death was a "movie" ending. It's something that I could have created, the goth comes up behind this guy throws a molotov cocktail at some cop, he dies. Then the goth walks in the room with Bruce Willis, this girl, and the girls brother. He throws a cocktail into some corner then loses his energy when trying to throw one at the girl but instead drops to his knees. He has a little flirt scene with the girl where love overcomes him. He couldn't throw the Molotov at her, instead he drops it on the floor(Which sucks because the alcohol goes on his body and he's soon in flames). That's the scene that's going to stick to me from the movie. Because that's the kind of scene that I could make, I really think that there is an ability in me to be a writer of movies. My dreams are so vivid and beautiful, and that's what I like. The freedom of dreaming within myself, it could be about anything and still be fun. Well, it's almost 2 AM and don't know what to do. I've been sitting, thinking, and writing since 12:44. Maybe I should go to sleep and study in the morning.
"Don't ever be afraid to tell someone how you feel because if you are then you could miss out on the greatest thing in your life." If only... That's not for me to decide. The quote means something, I've taken most of my advice and thank others for making mistakes so that I didn't have to but learned from it as well. Whenever I go back to Europe, I know my oppurtunity awaits. You know sometimes I try to fit a quote here that can change someone's life, something written so beautfully and perfectly. The more I try the more I realize there isn't one that powerful, just a realization or end result. Just like major events don't occur without a series of minor events. You understand? I hope so. I'll try to add them anyways. G'Night.
This weekend was really fun, besides the fact that I got suspended. Thursday night Wathen and I drove around and did nothing really, that was ok since I got to drive his car up my street. Friday I went to Semso's, we rented NBA Street V3 and it was boring all day since he didn't want to go anywhere, plus that game sucks. I played it for the first time today and beat his ass in it. So on saturday we went to the NY International Auto Show, now that was awsome. Being around so many exotic, foreign, concept, and new factory cars was amazing since it was my first time going to any show like that. The cars there were nothing short of awsome. Lamborghini, Ferrari, Saleen, Audi, Mercedes-Benz, BMW, Ford, Nissan, and whatever else was there. My muscles ached from standing up for so long plus, we worked out the day before and my back had it the worst. Then from there we just walked around and sooner or later headed home. That was like 10 and got home at 12. Then we watched Hostage, pretty crazy film. The whole storyline was good and what got me had to be the scary stoner/goth kid who's death was a "movie" ending. It's something that I could have created, the goth comes up behind this guy throws a molotov cocktail at some cop, he dies. Then the goth walks in the room with Bruce Willis, this girl, and the girls brother. He throws a cocktail into some corner then loses his energy when trying to throw one at the girl but instead drops to his knees. He has a little flirt scene with the girl where love overcomes him. He couldn't throw the Molotov at her, instead he drops it on the floor(Which sucks because the alcohol goes on his body and he's soon in flames). That's the scene that's going to stick to me from the movie. Because that's the kind of scene that I could make, I really think that there is an ability in me to be a writer of movies. My dreams are so vivid and beautiful, and that's what I like. The freedom of dreaming within myself, it could be about anything and still be fun. Well, it's almost 2 AM and don't know what to do. I've been sitting, thinking, and writing since 12:44. Maybe I should go to sleep and study in the morning.
"Don't ever be afraid to tell someone how you feel because if you are then you could miss out on the greatest thing in your life." If only... That's not for me to decide. The quote means something, I've taken most of my advice and thank others for making mistakes so that I didn't have to but learned from it as well. Whenever I go back to Europe, I know my oppurtunity awaits. You know sometimes I try to fit a quote here that can change someone's life, something written so beautfully and perfectly. The more I try the more I realize there isn't one that powerful, just a realization or end result. Just like major events don't occur without a series of minor events. You understand? I hope so. I'll try to add them anyways. G'Night.
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Public education, what a joke. I got suspended today for "hacking". The dolts at administration obviously have no idea what it really is and neither does their "great" technician. Curiousity is crushed by the dumbasses. They can't even secure their own network, HOW DID THE TECHNICIAN GET HIS JOB? He is an Idiot. I really hate them all, I don't understand how they can live with themselves. They lie, cheat, are greedy, worthless, and are just not respectable kinds of people. I won't go on to mentioning names because I'll probably get into more trouble. They have the dumbest people in the world working there is all I have to say.
Back to public education, it's a bad idea, "One out of three students entering high school doesn't graduate? Minority students are twice as likely as whites to drop out. Even students who get their diploma have the reading and math skills expected of middle school students in other nations. Why? Establishment politicians say that the solution is more money and higher taxes. Yet, private institutions, which spend half of what public schools do, graduate a larger percentage of their students with higher levels of academic achievement. Interesting? Sylvan Learning Centers, an after-school tutoring service, guarantees that students will advance one grade in their chosen subject with only 36 hours of instruction. Ombudsman Educational Services specializes in educating high school drop outs. Students advance one grade level in about 20 hours of instruction. How can these two private schools be so successful for half the price? Both tailor their educational program to each individual's needs, instead of offering a one-size-fits-all program that government regulations demand of public and private institutions. We need deregulation.Today bureaucrats decide when children will attend school, how long they will attend, who will teach them; and what they will learn. Parents and teachers should make these decisions. Through deregulation, education will be so affordable that charitable scholarship organizations will be easily able to help those in need. We will once again be the most literate nation on earth." It's all true. Public education is retarded, plus we need to fire people like the one's I'm thinking of just because they don't deserve it and aren't smart enough. I don't understand how you could argue against this, you can't. This is the truth although, some may fear change it won't be bad. Like they say, change is good. It all depends on the subject, in this case, it's very good.
Back to public education, it's a bad idea, "One out of three students entering high school doesn't graduate? Minority students are twice as likely as whites to drop out. Even students who get their diploma have the reading and math skills expected of middle school students in other nations. Why? Establishment politicians say that the solution is more money and higher taxes. Yet, private institutions, which spend half of what public schools do, graduate a larger percentage of their students with higher levels of academic achievement. Interesting? Sylvan Learning Centers, an after-school tutoring service, guarantees that students will advance one grade in their chosen subject with only 36 hours of instruction. Ombudsman Educational Services specializes in educating high school drop outs. Students advance one grade level in about 20 hours of instruction. How can these two private schools be so successful for half the price? Both tailor their educational program to each individual's needs, instead of offering a one-size-fits-all program that government regulations demand of public and private institutions. We need deregulation.Today bureaucrats decide when children will attend school, how long they will attend, who will teach them; and what they will learn. Parents and teachers should make these decisions. Through deregulation, education will be so affordable that charitable scholarship organizations will be easily able to help those in need. We will once again be the most literate nation on earth." It's all true. Public education is retarded, plus we need to fire people like the one's I'm thinking of just because they don't deserve it and aren't smart enough. I don't understand how you could argue against this, you can't. This is the truth although, some may fear change it won't be bad. Like they say, change is good. It all depends on the subject, in this case, it's very good.
Monday, March 21, 2005
I'm pretty sure that note of mine was a screw-up. My cousins been telling me I "jumped the gun", and I guess he's right, it's going to be awkard seeing her again. So, well that's over. My good intentions never work out like they do in the movies. Instead of being soft at first just show a hard look, apparently girls like that crap. Then show the soft side privately. It seems that keeps it lasting longer, because they like the softness as much as the toughness. Yeah, you can see I'm bad with people or just people that are special to me. Don't show weakness, how dumb. This world is full of phonies, I understand what he meant by that. He who? You know... Holden. I've been told I write the way Salinger does in the stories, I don't know if I do, but that's pretty cool if it's any true.
I'm going to read some stuff tomorrow for fun, that story Thoreau wrote about being with Nature, I forget the name it's something with a W. Then some other stuff.
Here is another entry for my ever-growing mind. Hopefully my(these) contributions to the world will be important in someway.(Yeah, right...) We'll see.
I'm going to read some stuff tomorrow for fun, that story Thoreau wrote about being with Nature, I forget the name it's something with a W. Then some other stuff.
Here is another entry for my ever-growing mind. Hopefully my(these) contributions to the world will be important in someway.(Yeah, right...) We'll see.
Thursday, March 17, 2005
The Good Die Young
D12 LYRICS
"Good Die Young"
[Intro]
Dawg....I shouldn't have left, They wouldn't have tried this shit if I was wit ya
Maybe we would have picked another time
Or chose anotha way
Or maybe my prayers would have convinced him to choose another soul
Shit, it's just me, mum and Tony now
Man you look so peaceful right now... how can I argue wit that
They say...
[Chorus]
They say the good die young,
Thats why I think that you should have fun (when your young)
Cos time won't wait for noone (uh huh)
When god calls, you gotta go home (go home)
They say the good die young, (die young)
Thats why I know that we go' have fun,
In this life cos you only get one
When God calls for me, don't cry till I just went home
[Kon Artis]
It's true that everybody heard, there mama say every days like this
When you see, one of your friends die in the mist
In the struggle, went through circumstances
Arrested every day just to prove a point to a friend
Even then, accidents are prone to happen to any man
A woman is dumb enough to pretend
That her, god won't hold them accountable for sins
If they commit, they try to repent the sense of Repent
But I guess (thats just the way things go)
I was blessed to see 24 (24)
To wake up to that "Hi, my name is" video
Motivated me to write what i wrote
And I knew my little brother sold dope
An mom and daddy want to move our road
I did it, I still got a lot to prove and show
I just which we aint have to lose Bugz to the struggle
Cos you know...
[Chorus]
They say the good die young,
Thats why I think that you should have fun (when your young)
Cos time won't wait for noone (uh huh)
When god calls, you gotta go home (go home)
They say the good die young, (die young)
Thats why I know that we go' have fun,
In this life cos you only get one
When God calls for me, don't cry till I just went home
[Bizzare]
I know you used to Bizzare on some silly shit
But Niggas in my cliq, is dying quick
In detroit, niggas don't party
They pull a .44 out, snatch off bacardis
Thats why I keep the pistol under the trunk
Im 27 years old, too old to be gettin jumped
And fuck rap, I miss Karnail Pitts, b-u-g-z
Tattoed on my wrist
Me and you in the jeep, listen to swing beats
It's a shame me and Fuzz don't even speak
I got married, my wife name is D
Peace to 31 and 51-50, miss you
[Kuniva]
I came back on that tragic, my phone rung
And Bizarres voice tellin me, Bugz was gone home
It was like a knife piercing my chest and I couldn't breath
I didn't wanna accept it, didn't wanna believe it
I swear with this weight dawg, I cried so hard
Literally, Denaun had to carry me to the car
While I stand in this booth now it's tearin me apart
But I had to let it out cos it was tearin at my heart
Cos he died over somethin so petty and so small
A human life is so very precious I hope ya'll
Understand how I'm feelin cos I love you bugz
I wanna rhyme wit you, laugh wit you, hug you bugz
But I can't and you was so close to seein dreams
A coward came along and took you away from the team
So don't mistake this track, it's just another song
This goes out to everyone who lost a loved one
Cos you know
[Chorus]
They say the good die young,
Thats why I think that you should have fun (when your young)
Cos time won't wait for noone (uh huh)
When god calls, you gotta go home (go home)
They say the good die young, (die young)
Thats why I know that we go' have fun,
In this life cos you only get one
When God calls for me, don't cry till I just went home
[Proof]
They say it's never too late, to have an early childhood
If I could, turn back the hands of time, God should
Forgive what i did as a kid to run blocks
Now my dreams are just dream cops and gun shots
The fun stops when your homies up in a box
My dudey bole, rest his soul, snuffed by the cops
I use to ?? a lot, if theres a guy by me say somethin
If you love her so much why didn't u gave nothin
When he took my homie, snuck was only in 11th grade
Now I hope to see your face at the heaven gates
It aint never late in the game, this hatin remains
With a grudge to see slugs straight through my frame
My heart aches with the pain, the life in his breath
We gotta have fun now, theres only minutes left
In the depth, distress young as a ??? did
To get tats of my fallen homies, I aint got enough skin
[Chorus]
They say the good die young,
Thats why I think that you should have fun (when your young)
Cos time won't wait for noone (uh huh)
When god calls, you gotta go home (go home)
They say the good die young, (die young)
Thats why I know that we go' have fun,
In this life cos you only get one
When God calls for me, don't cry till I just went home
[Swifty]
When I was younger I knew four brothers that wasn't wise
That crash and the driver died,
My partner on the passenger side was paralysed
And Im surprised by the look of that ride that the other peeps survived
Nine months later another one died
Somebody shot him in the side when he was startin up his ride
3 years go by, I made a hell of a run
And thats when funky got done, a joey playin wit guns
And tookie over funds, karty was my man
And reggy, I wish that I was wit you in that van
And Bugz if it wasn't for you
You know I wouldn't be standin in this booth,
Thats the truth, I miss ya'll...
[Chorus x2]
They say the good die young,
Thats why I think that you should have fun (when your young)
Cos time won't wait for noone (uh huh)
When god calls, you gotta go home (go home)
They say the good die young, (die young)
Thats why I know that we go' have fun,
In this life cos you only get one
When God calls for me, don't cry till I just went home
From Senad's Profile:
And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
A brief candle; both ends burning
An endless mile; a bus wheel turning
A friend to share the lonesome times
A handshake and a sip of wine
So say it loud and let it ring
We are all a part of everything
The future, present and the past
Fly on proud bird
You're free at last.
Hashem and Joe M: many memories that weve had together that ill never forget. Luv u guys..
Gov Set
R.I.P.
Hashem 1/17/84-1/8/04.
http://hamzam.com/
Joe M 9/11/84-3/13/05
http://asp.ccs.neu.edu/home/kajoneky/jm/jm.asp
--------
Although, I didn't know the guys I felt them leave. After seeing the movie The Good Die Young on hamzam.com with Hashem's pictures, it makes you think. If I ever die, I want it to be dramatic somehow, Movielike... Where someone researches stuff about me, and finds this website. Everyone would read it and be like, wow. It's not like I'm Anticipating it, but I'm not afraid of it.
There's no one more important to love and fear except for Allah. All of the evidence used is so significant, but there are still non-believers. "Ignorant people ask questions that we're answered thousands of years ago." People who believe in such trash like, "Prophet of Doom". What a joke, the author attempts to take the Qu'ran, re-write many of its verses to make it sound as an evil, mischevious, war mongering religion. The truth is in the actual Qu'ran, Bible, or Torah. They all share the same values and monotheistic idea's, they just each appeal to different kinds of people, so we have a choice I guess. There's no need to attack each others monotheistic religions, there really isn't. If there's anyone to try to change it would be atheists or the polytheists. However, we can't change everyone, if God had willed, everyone would have been guided. So that's why I give up on converting some people. I'm here just to present the idea's and hope they accept it.
I heard a nice quote somewhere, it was something like this. A baby cries when he is born because he's been seperated from God and wants to go back. It's part of my last poem. It just sounds nice, I don't know what else to say about it.
"Good Die Young"
[Intro]
Dawg....I shouldn't have left, They wouldn't have tried this shit if I was wit ya
Maybe we would have picked another time
Or chose anotha way
Or maybe my prayers would have convinced him to choose another soul
Shit, it's just me, mum and Tony now
Man you look so peaceful right now... how can I argue wit that
They say...
[Chorus]
They say the good die young,
Thats why I think that you should have fun (when your young)
Cos time won't wait for noone (uh huh)
When god calls, you gotta go home (go home)
They say the good die young, (die young)
Thats why I know that we go' have fun,
In this life cos you only get one
When God calls for me, don't cry till I just went home
[Kon Artis]
It's true that everybody heard, there mama say every days like this
When you see, one of your friends die in the mist
In the struggle, went through circumstances
Arrested every day just to prove a point to a friend
Even then, accidents are prone to happen to any man
A woman is dumb enough to pretend
That her, god won't hold them accountable for sins
If they commit, they try to repent the sense of Repent
But I guess (thats just the way things go)
I was blessed to see 24 (24)
To wake up to that "Hi, my name is" video
Motivated me to write what i wrote
And I knew my little brother sold dope
An mom and daddy want to move our road
I did it, I still got a lot to prove and show
I just which we aint have to lose Bugz to the struggle
Cos you know...
[Chorus]
They say the good die young,
Thats why I think that you should have fun (when your young)
Cos time won't wait for noone (uh huh)
When god calls, you gotta go home (go home)
They say the good die young, (die young)
Thats why I know that we go' have fun,
In this life cos you only get one
When God calls for me, don't cry till I just went home
[Bizzare]
I know you used to Bizzare on some silly shit
But Niggas in my cliq, is dying quick
In detroit, niggas don't party
They pull a .44 out, snatch off bacardis
Thats why I keep the pistol under the trunk
Im 27 years old, too old to be gettin jumped
And fuck rap, I miss Karnail Pitts, b-u-g-z
Tattoed on my wrist
Me and you in the jeep, listen to swing beats
It's a shame me and Fuzz don't even speak
I got married, my wife name is D
Peace to 31 and 51-50, miss you
[Kuniva]
I came back on that tragic, my phone rung
And Bizarres voice tellin me, Bugz was gone home
It was like a knife piercing my chest and I couldn't breath
I didn't wanna accept it, didn't wanna believe it
I swear with this weight dawg, I cried so hard
Literally, Denaun had to carry me to the car
While I stand in this booth now it's tearin me apart
But I had to let it out cos it was tearin at my heart
Cos he died over somethin so petty and so small
A human life is so very precious I hope ya'll
Understand how I'm feelin cos I love you bugz
I wanna rhyme wit you, laugh wit you, hug you bugz
But I can't and you was so close to seein dreams
A coward came along and took you away from the team
So don't mistake this track, it's just another song
This goes out to everyone who lost a loved one
Cos you know
[Chorus]
They say the good die young,
Thats why I think that you should have fun (when your young)
Cos time won't wait for noone (uh huh)
When god calls, you gotta go home (go home)
They say the good die young, (die young)
Thats why I know that we go' have fun,
In this life cos you only get one
When God calls for me, don't cry till I just went home
[Proof]
They say it's never too late, to have an early childhood
If I could, turn back the hands of time, God should
Forgive what i did as a kid to run blocks
Now my dreams are just dream cops and gun shots
The fun stops when your homies up in a box
My dudey bole, rest his soul, snuffed by the cops
I use to ?? a lot, if theres a guy by me say somethin
If you love her so much why didn't u gave nothin
When he took my homie, snuck was only in 11th grade
Now I hope to see your face at the heaven gates
It aint never late in the game, this hatin remains
With a grudge to see slugs straight through my frame
My heart aches with the pain, the life in his breath
We gotta have fun now, theres only minutes left
In the depth, distress young as a ??? did
To get tats of my fallen homies, I aint got enough skin
[Chorus]
They say the good die young,
Thats why I think that you should have fun (when your young)
Cos time won't wait for noone (uh huh)
When god calls, you gotta go home (go home)
They say the good die young, (die young)
Thats why I know that we go' have fun,
In this life cos you only get one
When God calls for me, don't cry till I just went home
[Swifty]
When I was younger I knew four brothers that wasn't wise
That crash and the driver died,
My partner on the passenger side was paralysed
And Im surprised by the look of that ride that the other peeps survived
Nine months later another one died
Somebody shot him in the side when he was startin up his ride
3 years go by, I made a hell of a run
And thats when funky got done, a joey playin wit guns
And tookie over funds, karty was my man
And reggy, I wish that I was wit you in that van
And Bugz if it wasn't for you
You know I wouldn't be standin in this booth,
Thats the truth, I miss ya'll...
[Chorus x2]
They say the good die young,
Thats why I think that you should have fun (when your young)
Cos time won't wait for noone (uh huh)
When god calls, you gotta go home (go home)
They say the good die young, (die young)
Thats why I know that we go' have fun,
In this life cos you only get one
When God calls for me, don't cry till I just went home
From Senad's Profile:
And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
A brief candle; both ends burning
An endless mile; a bus wheel turning
A friend to share the lonesome times
A handshake and a sip of wine
So say it loud and let it ring
We are all a part of everything
The future, present and the past
Fly on proud bird
You're free at last.
Hashem and Joe M: many memories that weve had together that ill never forget. Luv u guys..
Gov Set
R.I.P.
Hashem 1/17/84-1/8/04.
http://hamzam.com/
Joe M 9/11/84-3/13/05
http://asp.ccs.neu.edu/home/kajoneky/jm/jm.asp
--------
Although, I didn't know the guys I felt them leave. After seeing the movie The Good Die Young on hamzam.com with Hashem's pictures, it makes you think. If I ever die, I want it to be dramatic somehow, Movielike... Where someone researches stuff about me, and finds this website. Everyone would read it and be like, wow. It's not like I'm Anticipating it, but I'm not afraid of it.
There's no one more important to love and fear except for Allah. All of the evidence used is so significant, but there are still non-believers. "Ignorant people ask questions that we're answered thousands of years ago." People who believe in such trash like, "Prophet of Doom". What a joke, the author attempts to take the Qu'ran, re-write many of its verses to make it sound as an evil, mischevious, war mongering religion. The truth is in the actual Qu'ran, Bible, or Torah. They all share the same values and monotheistic idea's, they just each appeal to different kinds of people, so we have a choice I guess. There's no need to attack each others monotheistic religions, there really isn't. If there's anyone to try to change it would be atheists or the polytheists. However, we can't change everyone, if God had willed, everyone would have been guided. So that's why I give up on converting some people. I'm here just to present the idea's and hope they accept it.
I heard a nice quote somewhere, it was something like this. A baby cries when he is born because he's been seperated from God and wants to go back. It's part of my last poem. It just sounds nice, I don't know what else to say about it.
I was looking at poetry.com now and randomly remembered there was a poem written by me there. It's so badly punctuated but here it is haha,
Crimson Flux
May my flux o'er my body never lay
along my pores, so sudden and flayed
inside my heart, may my blood start
to find a way, in all of the gray
create a path for one's self in the
aftermath, to never stray or run away,
to make a living beneath decay, to
reach high and never slay, think of me
when you pray. Have a family and never hope,
that your wife will never end like me.
For this day is when I expire.And for you
to desire another woman who loves thee as
much as me and live a life without trifle,
be wealthy as should you and I have been,
just a lie told by the omniscient eye.
Ended as the malefic one drew nigh. And
soon to seperate us.Finish the rest
consider today the first day of your
conquest and leave me ablest,you are blessed
and forever more, deserve nonetheless.
Weird, I didn't know I knew those vocab words back when I was 13 haha. Whenever I'm out of idea's I can always just look around the website for what other people wrote about and feed off of that. I just wrote something now and here I've got two names to pick from, "The passing of the Torch" or "The Cycle". Read it and see what you think,
In my dark mind, I begin to percieve
Of this world, what a world, without me.
The hidden beauty is between the ears
For when I die another miracle appears.
A crying baby is born and my mind begins to think...
The baby cries because he's been seperated from Him
My family cries, but I realize that I've returned to Him.
So when, if ever, I die, please don't cry, you will see.
Sooner or later, lover or hater, you'll be up here with me.
I don't know if it's that great, none of my stuff really is. Anyways, I like it.
It's 9:00 PM so, I'm going to finish homework and stuff. Later.
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Poetry attempts.
I wrote a few goofy poems today during school and at home. I'm sure the idea's of the poems will change when I write more, but check out what I've got so far:
"Copernicus"
Why is it men are made fun of for knowing?
Don't you see that ignorance is growing?
Their idea's shunned, reputations done,
Sad, lonely, and considered phony.
Exorcised, demoralized, humiliated for fun.
Why, back then, were they outcasts and had their homes razed,
when now, my friend, their idea's are taught and praised?
If you don't know Copernicus' story you probably won't get it.
He was a great astrologist and people rejected his ideas like, the Earth revolved around the Sun, not the other way around.
----------
Whatever happened to the "Individual"?
They try to fit in with groups, some men change.
They toss their best friend out, their clothes, personality and morals.
To use the same personae the "group" uses.
Why did he have to change for them?
Doesn't he see they should like him for who he is,
and not something he pretends to be?
--------
The old man quivers to see his grandchildren wither.
They're fragile, weak, uneducated, meek.
The old man remembers stories from back home when,
there men were actually brave.
Fighting for what's right, keeping culture in tight.
Now looking at his grandchildren to see how the traditions have passed.
They know nothing except for what they see on TV.
It's sad to see how easily a people with a great history have faded black.
--------
This is for the kid who could just never fit in,
No one was like him nor did they like him.
His life was miserable, lonely, and different.
He was amazing at schoolwork, could have changed the world.
But instead, killed himself and others because he couldn't fit in with the world.
While they're all crying on TV in front of the school,
they knew this wouldn't have happened if they hadn't treated him like a fool...
===============
Here was a random thing I was writing afterwards about "Me and movies" and came up with something in a reflection.
Lucidly dreaming love movies. I'm probably too passionate...(Here comes the huge thought spur) That could be why I'm so different! The ideas of these movies are too unrealistic and that's how I feel about life too, unrealisticly. When, in fact, I'm not at all. Interesting... How can I change? Be more realistic(eh), never expect things to go "my way". Because with prior experience, it doesn't, it never has. Be more free, comfortable with myself. I can never fully know myself, "if I did I would run away." It's hard to mean what you think, it's probably the hardest thing I can do. Well, If I think it's hard it will be mentally harder than it really is, so I don't know.
Writing a few times a day keeps the doctor away.
"Copernicus"
Why is it men are made fun of for knowing?
Don't you see that ignorance is growing?
Their idea's shunned, reputations done,
Sad, lonely, and considered phony.
Exorcised, demoralized, humiliated for fun.
Why, back then, were they outcasts and had their homes razed,
when now, my friend, their idea's are taught and praised?
If you don't know Copernicus' story you probably won't get it.
He was a great astrologist and people rejected his ideas like, the Earth revolved around the Sun, not the other way around.
----------
Whatever happened to the "Individual"?
They try to fit in with groups, some men change.
They toss their best friend out, their clothes, personality and morals.
To use the same personae the "group" uses.
Why did he have to change for them?
Doesn't he see they should like him for who he is,
and not something he pretends to be?
--------
The old man quivers to see his grandchildren wither.
They're fragile, weak, uneducated, meek.
The old man remembers stories from back home when,
there men were actually brave.
Fighting for what's right, keeping culture in tight.
Now looking at his grandchildren to see how the traditions have passed.
They know nothing except for what they see on TV.
It's sad to see how easily a people with a great history have faded black.
--------
This is for the kid who could just never fit in,
No one was like him nor did they like him.
His life was miserable, lonely, and different.
He was amazing at schoolwork, could have changed the world.
But instead, killed himself and others because he couldn't fit in with the world.
While they're all crying on TV in front of the school,
they knew this wouldn't have happened if they hadn't treated him like a fool...
===============
Here was a random thing I was writing afterwards about "Me and movies" and came up with something in a reflection.
Lucidly dreaming love movies. I'm probably too passionate...(Here comes the huge thought spur) That could be why I'm so different! The ideas of these movies are too unrealistic and that's how I feel about life too, unrealisticly. When, in fact, I'm not at all. Interesting... How can I change? Be more realistic(eh), never expect things to go "my way". Because with prior experience, it doesn't, it never has. Be more free, comfortable with myself. I can never fully know myself, "if I did I would run away." It's hard to mean what you think, it's probably the hardest thing I can do. Well, If I think it's hard it will be mentally harder than it really is, so I don't know.
Writing a few times a day keeps the doctor away.
Monday, March 14, 2005
Thinking is easy, acting is difficult, and to put one's thoughts into action is the most difficult thing in the world.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
So true. Remember when I said that the books on my shelf were going to be read? I didn't read them... It's only for 20 minutes. I don't understand why I never get to it.
We lay aside letters never to read them again, and at last we destroy them out of discretion, and so disappears the most beautiful, the most immediate breath of life, irrecoverable for ourselves and for others.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Johann is a great writer, I only really started reading his stuff because of his "IQ". Stephen Hawking regards IQ's and people who boast them as, "stupid" or "morons". It's true.
All of the knowledge I or anyone else has everyone can acquire, think about it.
I'm going to read up more on my poet to research Theodore Roethke. I've already read something from him and he's pretty good at writing.
Every step I will take to get better.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
So true. Remember when I said that the books on my shelf were going to be read? I didn't read them... It's only for 20 minutes. I don't understand why I never get to it.
We lay aside letters never to read them again, and at last we destroy them out of discretion, and so disappears the most beautiful, the most immediate breath of life, irrecoverable for ourselves and for others.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Johann is a great writer, I only really started reading his stuff because of his "IQ". Stephen Hawking regards IQ's and people who boast them as, "stupid" or "morons". It's true.
All of the knowledge I or anyone else has everyone can acquire, think about it.
I'm going to read up more on my poet to research Theodore Roethke. I've already read something from him and he's pretty good at writing.
Every step I will take to get better.
Saturday, March 12, 2005
A poem
i love you
sorry i didnt tell you before
i cant keep it in anymore
as weird as this may be
i want to know if,
you want to be with me?
My poem. Short but sweet, or it just sucks. I'll let the recipient decide...
sorry i didnt tell you before
i cant keep it in anymore
as weird as this may be
i want to know if,
you want to be with me?
My poem. Short but sweet, or it just sucks. I'll let the recipient decide...
No regrets.
Damn this sucks, I haven't seen her since February 12th. It's like God's message to me to go get my license. I'll see her soon, maybe tomorrow if I'm lucky, or not. These situations are like always against me, I don't know why. I would like my license, but my Mom is scared as hell to drive with me. She drives crazier than me and thinks I'm crazy? I don't know what her deal is. It must be cool though just to drive around by yourself like, "Yeah, I'm the man." Or go to places when your parents couldn't bring you, that's probably the only reason I want mine. Since February 12th, wow... That's too long, way too long. Maybe if my dad goes somewhere there to like my uncles house, I can run to the high school and she's near there. Or even drops me off at the high school, brilliant idea :O I really want to surprise her at her doorstep. All I have to do is follow my heart and who knows what may happen. I did it before on February 12th and it's probably become the happiest day of my life. There is hope. I should get her something, but don't know what. I think I'll just write something to her when I show up. I'll think of something now. Maybe just a simple I love you in big words with or without a picture. I think the whole plan is genius, there's just one problem. I don't know if she'll be home.
Let me think about what to write. On my own ;) Maybe I'll post it on next time.
Let me think about what to write. On my own ;) Maybe I'll post it on next time.
Sunday, March 06, 2005
Some 50 lyrics
Build You Up, the way I feel now.
...
Listen if you let me, I'll b the reason you shine
It's a secret, I want the world to know dat you mine
But on sum real shit, communications could b betta
So I'm writin this song instead of a love Letter.
They gon play it on da radio a hundred times a day
I figure, when you hear it, you gon stop n think of me
I wanna get to know you, and b the reason you Smile
Girl you know where I'm from, you know how I get Down
When times are tough, tell me dat I'm special
Not rap, I mean me, dat I'm special
You know they say diamonds are a girls best friend
Press yo stones, could you put me befo' them
If so, I'll see to it dat they'll always around
Nothin but da best, now how does dat sound
If I drop a jewl when we talk, you can keep it
Girl you on my mind all da time, dat's a secret shhhh
...
When I think about you thinkin dat you feel da same way
Was it juss my 'magination, to get runnin away
If you ready to ride, girl come on, lets roll
G5, how I fly, 'ma lets go
It was hard to measure da pleasure of havin you in my presents
Yo smile makes me smile, I show you my style
We can shop a lil bit, I'll pick out sum shit
One pair at a time, till yo shoe game sick
Now who knows, what the future holds
We be together prolly, fo betta or for worse
Like Whitney and Bobby
If you wanna play house, we can play house then
But wait.. why pretend when you come in (wet) ?
Befo I'll b yo buddy in bed, lemme b yo best friend
Girl it's mo' then lust, I want yo trust
You keep it reel wit me, I keep it reel witchu
Cuz I know witchu by my side, there's nothin I can't do
...
Some more 50 quotes
...
I’m a track star running through life chasing my dream
...
Listen you can call me what you want, black and ugly
But you can't convince me the Lord don't love me
...
An Ol’G told me God’s favorites have a hard time
Your out the hood that’s good now stay on the grind
I’m a sponge knowledge and wisdom my hits yall fast
I’m in a class by myself you do the math...
Build You Up, the way I feel now.
...
Listen if you let me, I'll b the reason you shine
It's a secret, I want the world to know dat you mine
But on sum real shit, communications could b betta
So I'm writin this song instead of a love Letter.
They gon play it on da radio a hundred times a day
I figure, when you hear it, you gon stop n think of me
I wanna get to know you, and b the reason you Smile
Girl you know where I'm from, you know how I get Down
When times are tough, tell me dat I'm special
Not rap, I mean me, dat I'm special
You know they say diamonds are a girls best friend
Press yo stones, could you put me befo' them
If so, I'll see to it dat they'll always around
Nothin but da best, now how does dat sound
If I drop a jewl when we talk, you can keep it
Girl you on my mind all da time, dat's a secret shhhh
...
When I think about you thinkin dat you feel da same way
Was it juss my 'magination, to get runnin away
If you ready to ride, girl come on, lets roll
G5, how I fly, 'ma lets go
It was hard to measure da pleasure of havin you in my presents
Yo smile makes me smile, I show you my style
We can shop a lil bit, I'll pick out sum shit
One pair at a time, till yo shoe game sick
Now who knows, what the future holds
We be together prolly, fo betta or for worse
Like Whitney and Bobby
If you wanna play house, we can play house then
But wait.. why pretend when you come in (wet) ?
Befo I'll b yo buddy in bed, lemme b yo best friend
Girl it's mo' then lust, I want yo trust
You keep it reel wit me, I keep it reel witchu
Cuz I know witchu by my side, there's nothin I can't do
...
Some more 50 quotes
...
I’m a track star running through life chasing my dream
...
Listen you can call me what you want, black and ugly
But you can't convince me the Lord don't love me
...
An Ol’G told me God’s favorites have a hard time
Your out the hood that’s good now stay on the grind
I’m a sponge knowledge and wisdom my hits yall fast
I’m in a class by myself you do the math...
Today.
Weird day today... I woke up at 9 at my cousins house and feeling trapped, I had to get out. So I did, and headed to the beach which was 20 minutes away and walked down the whole shore untill 9:40. While walking I tried imagining something using symbolism. I was walking on a long strip of shells. So I thought of it as a timeline and each shell represented a thought I had of this somebody. I only wish there was a picture to show you because there was a lot of shells. I felt really nice and met some kind people along the shore. Old people with new found love, lonely people looking for something different, others playing with their dogs and children. A real sweet and delightful scene in such a dark world. If only I could show how I felt there. I want to be a kid again, there's nothing like it. Simple things like laughing, talking, breathing, anything, was so exciting and vivacious. Whenever I look back, there's some light in my mind that makes what I did seem so fun and amazing. I feel like that light is coming back in some way, but not without help. Afterwards, I walked to Post Road and decided I would go to the High School, to see that someone while they least expected it, to surprise her and talk or something... Running most of the way it was around 11:20 and I reached the school. Before I knew it, my phone was ringing and found out it was my dad who was wanting to know where I was to pick me up. Sucks, so I kept running not knowing where she lived but tried to guess and maybe get lucky. Well, that didn't work. If only it did... I could imagine myself in a movie like that. Just going to the door step, ringing the bell, and ask to see her. Then take my hat off and have my hair in "that way" with a little smile on my face and catch her completely by surprise. Just to see the look on her face at that moment, that would stay with me forever. That whole trip was about 15 miles. If it ever was to happen that way, I would run for as long as it takes. There's nothing better than seeing her smile, and hopefully putting that light back into my memories and self. I know I'm different, and it feels good. I've changed in a few ways for the better already, and I'd like her to know if she still thinks about me or not, Thank You...
Got a date with destiny, she's more than a girl
Got a date with destiny, she's more than a girl