After reading my last post I'm sure some would consider me to be a sissy liberal bitch. But, I don't know. I'm becoming somewhat apathetic. First it was from a hardcore libertarian to a softer one, like my academic advisor. For some reason I agreed with Bill O'Reilly(of all people...) when he said we shouldn't have income redistribution because some people earn it while others throw all of their money into drugs and other bad habits; because you reap what you sow. That would be the only thing I agree with him on, since his mind has no ability to reason or think critically with criticisms. Anyway, if there were to be redistribution it should be among citizens who actually contribute to society(up for interpretation). If you're not one of them, and would rather spend your life in an alley shooting up heroin then be my guest, just don't expect to be paid to throw your life away.
Well, now let's move on. I wanted to write about why I still write for this damn blog. To put it simply: I'm going to die one day. That's fucked up. I think it's because I have this need inside me to connect with people. I have two uncles that are dead, and of which whom I know nothing about. I just know that they were probably really good guys, and now they're gone. I see their pictures to try to imagine them as if they were here. I want to know what they were like, because they're probably just like me, and I'm next in line. It fascinates me, it really is my everything. It's all I think about. So here I am writing so whoever wants to, can connect with me... After looking at slideshows of Carlee Wines made by friends, I think about what would happen if I were to go. Oh, how I want to stay here forever...
I might believe there is no God, then I see something else that makes me agnostic. But, if I'm agnostic and all Big Three religions are ridiculous, does that say something about God? They're all "right" according to each follower's beliefs, but I feel like if they're all wrong. And if the large monotheistic religions are wrong, what would that say about god in general? There couldn't be one, could there? Why would he allow the destruction of whole galaxies, where tons of civilizations could have been living? We are all star stuff. I think essentially in our world there's no evidence for his existence, but I can only be hopeful that there should be one. Even though every day I see something that suggests otherwise.
Try to imagine me befuddled, because I am at this moment, trying to figure out what to write. There's so much I'm thinking about that I could be leaving out. I have this movie in my head. It starts with the big bang, atoms of all sorts flying around, clouds of gases forming, lightning, and, alas, life. Why is it we have this whole process to think about today? Could this be an elaborate mecahnism of a God to keep himself uninvolved? If so, what about other animals and plants? Do they go to 'heaven' too? "No way, only us humans," eh? Why so, that doesn't make sense does it? Sigh. Other animals going to heaven sounds kind of ridiculous doesn't it? What about single celled organisms? They must go to heaven too. You know, the other animal argument is kind of good when arguing against god. Because when you think about god among other animals, they don't need one. What did god ever do for them? There's no Jesus Hamster that had to come down to earth and die for all hamsterkind's sins. So, if there is no god we're left with this long and boring process of the ever magnificent evolution. But what started this process? As much as I admire Carl Sagan, I have trouble replacing a God with infinite regression. It's not because I'm apalled at the thought, but rather, critically thinking as to why I'm here. Infinite regression is almost ridiculous, but that doesn't mean I'm rejecting it. It's almost like Carl was trying to reject it, no matter what. I'm just trying to conclude that God is a plausible answer for only one question in life. Science can have its magnificent adventure at discovering everything else, because there's no equation we can ascertain from a question like, why are we here?
So do animals go to heaven? I can only wait and see, but while I'm at it I'd rather be discovering new things about the universe if I could. If nothing happens, then it doesn't matter: I won't know, I'll just be gone. If something is there, then that's all right, I guess.
There's so much depth and details to these questions. Maybe you can begin to understand why I think existence is so fascinating. You can see it when I read, I practically battle myself and my thoughts probably don't come out whole or focused. I want to know. When it happens I hope somebody uncovers this blog and it's at least inspirational and profound.
Rest in peace C, I hope you found what I'm looking for.
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