Almost Ten Days

Since the last update, talk about keeping good habits. It's tough I guess. Maybe if I wasn't such a gamer or talking on AIM all day and instead, reading, writing, etc. I'd probably be a lot more different. I would like to do that, anyways. Quitting video gaming is tough since I've been doing it for like, 5 years. Plus, there's more great games coming out that need to be played and won, by me of course. The only reason I like games so much probably has to do with how good I am at it and how long I've been doing it. It provides immediate pleasure doing whatever it is in a game. It's 6:47 right now so I'm deciding to go ahead and read some things and learn from like 7-8. Tomorrow should be fun. I don't know what we're going to do, but being with my cousins and those other people is fun. I look at these books on my drawer just sitting there, begging to be read. I never get around to doing it. I mean, I workout after school and have pretty good nutrition. Why can't I spend 20 minutes on a book? Oh, my mind probably ignores the fact that it's 20 minutes. It thinks it's going to be like hours of boredom, but 20 minutes is all I need to get a book done sooner or later.

I'm going to read this AP Computer Science book I've got here for 20 minutes, Fahrenheit 451 for 20 minutes, and Life of Pi as well. One hour, three books, sooner or later they'll be done and not just be part of my book collection but a part of me.

I'm off to the races.

"This life is too much for some people."

I was just looking around in My Documents and randomly found this piece of writing about suicide. It's really interesting. I'm pretty sure I snagged it from the web somewhere, but I forgot where. Check it out and show it to anyone who may be feeling that way:

"Ah, yes. So once again, we arrive at the topic that our lives attempt to avoid, yet seemingly revolve around: Death. One could speak for hours upon hours about this topic, the greatest unknown that is known to man. Where do we end up? How does it feel? What is its meaning? There are many questions, mostly unanswerable... but when it deals with the living soul, and its choice for death, that, is another story.
My friends, I speak of suicide. As one author put it, suicide is merely a way to end the insurmountable pain. The way we should think is that pain is overwhelming, yes, but not unconquerable. Why surrender the most valuable thing that you have been given, whether by a god or your parents? Either way, it is a priceless gift, and should not be surrendered because of a seemingly limitless amount of pain, which, I remind you, results from this great gift.
"How might you fight it?" a desperate one may ask. I tell you now, that life is not the only gift that has been given to you, nor is it the strongest. The will to live, now that is the strongest power that has been handed to you. Your mind, your soul, your desires, your heart, everything revolves around the power of will that has been given to you. Solidify it, and stand. You must endure the pain, endure the pressure, endure the hardship. Pain and pleasure are tied together in this world of life; perhaps we may truly understand this as we die and pass on.
But meanwhile, as we are still alive, take the hand of a friend, and take comfort in the energy that flows from his/her heart to yours. Stand tall with this buddy of yours, fight off the pain. Find pleasure and peace. Rest assured, you are not friendless. When you think you are alone, you are doubting the very nature of man. Cry out for help, for mercy, for repreive; I assure you, some stranger will answer your call.
And in that moment, they are no longer a stranger...

The human will is the sword that cannot be broken; the human friendship is the shield that cannot be shattered."

Laziness and me.

It's been a while yet again. I don't think it's laziness that prevents me from writing, but just not forming a good habit to do so. That's one of my problems :|. Nothing to do about it except stop talking about doing it and finish it. Laziness really, sucks. My brain is weirder than it used to be, I study as much as I used to do last year. When you think about it, there's no point to laziness. It's stupid, but interestingly increasing among the population. I'll bet you a lot of people think twice before doing things like: Is it worth walking 10 feet to my table to pick up a book and read? Most people would say no. I'd really like to do things like find a bunch of books to read and learn from. Actually, I've been trying for a while. The only thing I managed to read was On the Duty of Civil Disobedience by Henry David Thoreau. The language on that was pretty tough, you can say that. It really doesn't matter as long as I get the idea. I just really want to read a lot more, educate myself, or something.
This world is losing many scholars, and thanks to the laziness, less people want to be scholars. This will create a huge increase in ignorance and personally, that really sucks. The last thing I'd want being a muslim is to be called an Arab, towel-head, or anything dumb just because of what I believe in, not where I'm from. You can see it in my face, honestly, where does that come from? Ignorance, no respect, not caring at all, etc. I mean in my position I should just say I'm an Albanian Catholic or something to fit in, but that's not the truth. Some people need to understand, but they won't and don't want to. Even I am not very sure about things too like, my religion. Sometimes people ask me questions and I don't have the answer. I'd like to come up and shrewdly respond in some way or just plainly know the answer. A lot of bad writing definitely has come from the use of the internet. That's the truth, no average kid writes to other friends in IM's and things in proper English. They think since it's not a school, they can do what they like. That's true, but it would be a lot better for yourself and others, me included, to write properly.
These idea's I've written can sure be used by anyone else for their own writing if they wish, nothing is copywritten, as long as you mention my name so I feel special.
Today I completed my math and history exams. Not bad. I have to study for Chemistry and the rest so I'll hopefully write something tomorrow or definitely by Thursday. Peaceeee out.

http://www.nature.com/news/2004/041229/full/041229-6.html and http://dsc.discovery.com/news/briefs/20031229/atomicclock.html
17. Earthquakes will increase. 18. Time will pass more quickly.
think for yourself on this one.


Check out this website too for any questions:
http://www.islamic.org.uk/Default.ASPX

Just another thing on the news.

http://tsunamihelp.blogspot.com/ , Wow, it was just "another thing" watching it on the TV a few days ago. I don't think most people understand how big this really is. Think of it like this: 9/11, at least 20 times over. "A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic. " -Stalin. Great quote, but from a bad man. I feel really bad knowing someone is dying right now from that, there's nothing anyone can do except put money into it. And it's sad, to see pictures in here, the one with the "missing" sign; http://www.reuters.co.uk/newsArticle.jhtml?type=topNews&storyID=645770. Looking at these kids, to search for one's own. They all look horribe too, so you would expect the relative to look like the others. No one should ever have to go through things like this. It's all fitting in the top 50 things before Judgement day too. "17. Earthquakes will increase." and "20. Bloodshed will increase." fit this scenario. If you read the other present things, they're all happening if you believe it or not. I'm out to sleep. I wish everyone over there good luck.

Once in a lifetime.

Here's a little piece I was writing during history again, but it was a while ago and wanted to put it up here now before the graphite is lost... I really like the idea behind it, if you do the same thing as me, it's like a little connection.

Once in a lifetime

Sitting in your car on the highway with a parent driving beside you. Looking out of the window to see the places, many other faces. They look back at you for a second or two. In that second, so many things could be happening in the world like: crimes, murder, love, people heading Above, others heading Below, and the connection of your fate, and the others. At first sight, it can be many things. Love, hate, curiousity, and more, but for that single second it could be whatever you want it to be. A future wife, a future husband, a killer,-- the piece ends here but I feel like adding now-- the move is yours. Time slows down, just for you. To be truly happy, follow what your heart tells you, it knows you best. Once in a lifetime, the move is yours...

How touchy and weird is that?

Future.

Here's something that I wrote during history class, my obligation to Blogger:

"The future, what's in store for us? The way the world is moving now there are some things I'd consider. In the Qu'Ran it says in a list of 50 or so things that needs to occur before Judgement Day. Here's the list just for show:

"Are they waiting for anything except the Hour, to come to them suddenly? But its Signs have already come!" (Al-Qur'ân, Surah Muhammad)

Past

1. Splitting of the Moon.

2. Death of the Prophet Muhammad, may Allah bless him and grant him peace.

3. A form of death which will kill thousands of Muslims. (Understood to refer to the plague of Amwas during the
caliphate of ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab.)

4. A major fighting in Madinah (understood to refer to the battle of al-Harrah during the caliphate of Yazid, 63 AH).

5. The Muslim conquest of Jerusalem.

6. The Muslim conquest of Constantinople.

7. Two large groups of Muslims will fight in war.

8. A war between the Muslims and a reddish people with small eyes, wearing sandals made of hair (understood to refer to the Mongol Tatar invasion of the Islamic lands.)

9. A peace agreement between the Muslims and non-Muslims from the yellow race (Chinese, Mongols, etc.)

10. Thirty impostors (dajjal) will appear, each thinking he is a prophet.

Present?

11. Naked, destitute, barefoot shepherds will compete in building tall buildings.

12. The slave-woman will give birth to her master or mistress.

13. A trial (fitnah) which will enter every Arab household.

14. Knowledge will be taken away (by the death of people of knowledge), and ignorance will prevail.

15. Wine (intoxicants, alcohol) will be drunk in great quantities.

16. Illegal sexual intercourse will become widespread.

17. Earthquakes will increase.

18. Time will pass more quickly.

19. Tribulations (fitan) will prevail.

20. Bloodshed will increase.

21. A man will pass by the grave of another and wish he was in the latter’s place.

22. Trustworthiness will be lost, i.e. when authority is given to those who do not deserve it.

23. People will gather for prayer, but will be unable to find an imam to lead them.

Future

24. The number of men will decrease, whilst the number of women will increase, until for every man there are 50 women.

25. The Euphrates will reveal a treasure of gold, and many will die fighting over it, each one hoping to be the one who gains the treasure.

26. The Romans (Europeans) will come to a place called A’maq or Wabiq, and an army of the best people will go forth from Madinah to face them.

27. The Muslim conquest of Rome.

28. The Mahdi (guided one) will appear, and be the Imam of the Muslims.

29. Jesus Christ will descend in Damascus, and pray behind the Mahdi.

30. Jesus will break the cross and kill the swine, i.e. destroy the false christianity.

31. The Antichrist (al-masih al-dajjal, the false christ) will appear, with all his tools of deception, and be an immense trial. He will be followed by 70,000 Jews from Isfahan (present-day Iran).

32. The appearance of Ya’juj and Ma’juj (Gog and Magog), and the associated tribulations.

33. The emergence of the Beast from the Earth, carrying the Staff of Moses and the Seal of Solomon, who will speak to the people, telling them they did not believe with certainty in the Divine Signs.

34. A major war between the Muslims (including Jews and Christians who truly believe in Jesus after his return) led by the Imam Mahdi, and the Jews plus other non-Muslims led by the Antichrist.

35. Jesus will kill the Antichrist at the gate of Ludd (Lod in present-day Israel, site of an airport and a major Israeli military base).

36. A time of great peace and serenity during and after the remaining lifetime of Jesus.

37. Wealth will come so abundant that it will become difficult to find someone to accept charity.

38. Arabia will become a land of gardens and rivers.

39. Society will then decay.

40. The buttocks of the women of the tribe of Daws will again sway in circumambulation (tawaf) around the idol Dhul-Khulsah.

41. A great fire in the Hijaz, seen by the inhabitants of Busra.

42. Three major armies will sink into the earth: one in the east, one in the west, one in Arabia.

43. An Abyssinian leader with thin shins will destroy the Ka’bah.

44. The huge cloud of smoke.

45. The sun will rise from the west (its place of setting).

46. A gentle wind which will take the souls of the believers.

47. There is no-one left on the earth saying, "Allah, Allah" or "There is no god except Allah."

48. Eventually the Day of Judgment is established upon the worst of the people, who copulate like donkeys in public.

49. The blowing in the Trumpet by the Angel Israfil, upon which everyone will faint except as Allah wills.

50. The second blowing in the Trumpet, upon which everyone will be resurrected."
Along with the list it says, "Although they appear here in no particular order, it is important to point out that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said that these last, major signs will follow each other like pearls falling off of a necklace... " After reading the list you can see the Earth still has some time to go, you can tell by the 50-1 Women to Men ratio. Lucky guys, huh. After Jesus comes back, he lives for a long and prosperous time. Then when he dies is the last step pretty much. Now here come's my weird consideration, something different. For the sake of the future children, stop making kids. I don't know if we should do it now or anytime soon. Maybe it should be now or something since there will be huge wars and much blood will be shed. But, I don't know what to say, the list does fall like pearls from a necklace and the things that are supposedly present, show themselves, rather clearly too.

Dreams... and Movies.

Hey again, it's a bit late now. Yeah, 1:23 AM. I don't know why I'm still up I should be swimming in my ocean of blankets. Well, there's something I'd like to talk about although, it makes me feel like I'm the only person in the world that thinks this way. Right now I'm listening to this Eminem song and it brings thoughts to my head. The song has these little sound effects in the beginning with like car brakes screeching. This song mixed with any other sad song like the Pearl Jam one about the car crash makes me visualize a scene in my head, of course nothing real. Movies are very different with me and set most of my memories. So when I'm thinking about this it looks almost exactly what a movie would show it up as. Driving on a road, I can't see anything but the car is on a highway and swerving all over at high speeds. I only created that scene, in my head all I can see is this scene: Inside the car I look to the right and just look at the person next to me, it could be anyone but I think it would be someone like a girlfriend. My eyes, looking at hers, with the camera aiming at my face expressionless, then the camera switches to her and a tear drops down from her gleaming eyes. The world outside seems it has stopped, as we come close slowly. A blinding light begins to emerge brightening rapidly and it ends. One of those endings you see normally in Movies, I don't know which movie has it or if any movie has it. There are scenes I see that you would think comes from a movie, but as far as I know, isn't yet. Maybe there is a super special film-making side to me, after taking Documentary Filmmaking, one thought was that it really isn't for me because it would be impossible to take these images from up there to the screen down there. That's enough with the sad stuff, it's always there that's true but you should never be overwhelmingly sad all the time, it's simply not worth it. I would know. Moving on to the happy images and thoughts, listening to techno easily brings it out for me. I've made my own scientist discovery and believe techno's happy, charming, wonderful beats, probably bring an excess of endorphins and give me a natural high, which I savor. There are so many scenes that could be thought of from my little mind right now. It all has to do with something like a girlfriend. Although, there really was never one for me, and, in a pessimistic view, probably never one. But with this music and the endless boundaries of my mind, those thoughts do occupy my mind. My favorite techno songs are the ones with the vocals, whoever sings some of these songs, really needs a special congrats because it's amazing. Here's two songs that I like alot, Keira Green - My heart goes up; and Candee Jay - If I were you. The happy vibe in the first song is one that's appreciated, here are some lyrics, "When I close my eyes and hear your voice my heart goes up to 10. Then I realize that you made a choice for me and your friend. When I'm alone I play this song I hope that you can see I get up and I just sing along and I wish that you were always here with me" The music in the background brings an image that truly reminds me that I'm at a carinval. The other song is great too, the music and the lyrics mean alot to me, "If I were you I would never let me go if I were you I would always love me so if I were you..." There's more but this is the chorus and it sounds amazing :). The images that come up are all sweet ones. They all seem to be placed in the summer at the beach from Sitting down and eating with her always smiling, it makes me happy to know that. The first meeting or encounter comes up with things like, she's smiling so am I and we just look at each other and magnetize instantly. Walking on the beach... talking, playing in the sand, all of the super soft things girls would love that I have but wouldn't wanna mention here :p. I believe if you want to be happy with a girl you should have a more feminine side because the girls are the ones that keep the love. If your like all masculine you just want the girl once in a while, but feeling the same way they do and both of them wanting each other forever, that makes me really happy, especially to see it in life. Looking at old people still having the same feelings they did when they met years and years ago, looking at that and knowing it is possible always excites me but I've got a problem that most people well, yeah its just I'm shy. I know some girls would want to talk to me and I've let it go a few times thanks to my shyness and who knows, it could have been something else. Something I've been dreaming of... those images, everything, but it all would be unreal. For the sake of me please learn not to be shy, in life, you can't wait your whole life. Hopefully I get what is wanted but some people don't and that's the end of their story. Sad but true, the last thing I would want is for you to have it wait and never happen. "Celebrate the summer, dive into the sea, celebrate the feeling, you and me take me to the ocean living life so prime take me to the hot summer dream..." The end is here @ 2:10 AM, heh. I want you to know your really special. Thanks for everything. Live life like everyday is your last day, thing's will get interesting, different, and fun. Oh here's another quote I like to use that would go with the sad part of this blog. Never say goodbye to anyone, say I'll talk to you later, it sort of presents a feeling that I won't see you again feeling. Especially if something freaky like they die the next day, no one knows when they will die so just hope it's for a while. I love you, good night.

Another quick comment.

I've never been so happy sometimes. While walking through shopping malls or places like that, I see small children playing and their parents having fun with them, loving them. I swear, nothing makes me more happy than looking at other people and watching things like that. I actually smile, and think to myself how nice it is. This world has some things that are too beautiful to explain and things like that, I believe is something amazing. I can't thank God enough, but I'm sure that He knows exactly how much I love life.

Momma

I love writing, my God. I've got so much free time when I'm alone, thanks Kris for backing me up with the posts I probably wouldn't be writing without some support :p. Everyone and I mean everyone is at the homecoming dance. Myself? I'm at home alone but with music and with a mind. Tupac has so many damn great songs. Here are the lyrics from another song: "You are appreciated...

When I was young, me and my mama had beef
17 years old kicked out on tha streets
though back in tha time, I never thought I'd see her face
ain't a woman alive that can take my momma's place
suspended from school, scared ta go home
I was a fool with tha big boys breaking all tha rules
shed tears with my baby sister
over tha years we wuz poorer than tha other little kids
and even though we had different daddies
tha same drama when things went wrong we blamed mama
I reminised on tha stress I caused, it wuz hell
hugg'en on my mama from a jail cell
and who'ed think in elementary, heeeey i'd see tha penitentiary
One day
running from tha Police, that's right
Momma catch me--put a whoop'en to my backside
and even as a crack fiend mama,
ya always was a black queen mama
I finally understand for a woman
it ain't easy--trying ta raise a man
ya always wuz commited, a poor single mother on welfare,
tell me how ya did it
there's no way I can pay ya back
but tha plan is ta show ya that I understand.
you are appreciated......



Chorus
Laaaaady, don't cha know we luv ya
Sweeeet Laaaady, place no one above ya
Sweeeet Laaaady, don't cha know we luv ya

Ain't nobody tell us it wuz fair
no luv for my daddy, cause tha coward wuzn't there
he passed away and I didn't cry
cause my anger, wouldn't let me feel for a stranger
they say i'm wrong and i'm heartless
but all along I wuz looking for a father--he wuz gone
I hung around with tha thug's and even though they sold drugs
they showed a young brother luv
I moved out and started really hang'in
I needed money of my own so I started slang'in
I ain't guilty cause, even though I sell rocks
It feels good, putting money in your mailbox
I love paying rent when tha rents due
I hope ya got tha diamond necklace that I sent to you
cause when I wuz low, you was there for me
ya never left me alone, cause ya cared for me
and I can see ya coming home after work late
ya in tha kitchen trying ta fix us a hot plate
just working with tha scraps you wuz given
and mama made miracles every Thanksgiving
but now tha road got rough, your alone
trying ta raise two bad kids on your own
and there's no way I can pay ya back
but my plan is ta show ya that I understand
you are appreciated.....



Chorus
Laaaaady, don't cha know we luv ya
Sweeeet Laaaady, place no one above ya
Sweeeet Laaaady, don't cha know we luv ya

pour out some liquor and I remenise
cause through tha drama, I can always depend on my mama
and when it seems that i'm hopeless
you say tha words that can get me back in focus
when I wuz sick as a little kid
ta keep me happy theres no limit to tha things ya did
and all my childhood memories
are full of all tha sweet things ya did for me
and even though I act craaaazy
I got ta thank tha Lord that ya maaaade me
There are no words that can express how I feel
Ya never kept a secret, always stayed real
and I appreciate how ya raised me
and all tha extra love that ya gave me
I wish I could take tha pain away
If you can make it through tha night, there's a brighter day
everything'll be alright if ya hold on
it's a struggle
everyday gotta roll on
and there's no way I can pay ya back
but my plan is ta show ya that I understand
you are appreciated.......



Chorus
Laaaaady, don't cha know we luv ya
Sweeeet Laaaady, place no one above ya
Sweeeet Laaaady, don't cha know we luv ya, Sweeeet Laaaady

Laaaady...[fades]...Laaaady"

It's self explanitory and it's another one of his nice songs that showed his emotional side, he wasn't always a drug slinging, glock firing, thug. He was more emotional and thoughtful than hard. I guess that's how he became so amazing. My next piece of writing is going to be how to create a genius.

Haha

okay nevermind Life goes on... and I can't stand writing are the same articles, I guess it just takes blogger a damn while.

Life goes on....

It's been a while... I can't stand looking at my writing, I look away. I don't know why, perhaps it doesn't seem like its, "me". It really doesn't, maybe I'm scared of change or development, I love the young life. This emotional, writing, beautiful side of me, is so shy. It rarely comes out, it's only when I'm alone. With so much to write about in this world, so many bad things are happening in this world, as well as many great things. There's a kid born now as I write, every 3 seconds or so? I can't imagine that at all. A person dying right now in a drunk driving accident, or naturally, or murdered or something normal people can't and don't want to think about. Well, I've been listening to some of Tupac's song and reading lyrics recently. His words are amazing, and have filled me with an infinite amount of inspiration. The words are so true and great, and to think he's gone and it's probably some huge cover up as we all know it has to be. Sitting here writing I wonder if he's looking at me smiling, but why would he care about me? It's still something to think about. I've got so much to write it's like there's an ability in me to write a damn encyclopedia! Back to Tupac, his words in all of his personal songs, not his killing shit-talking songs which aren't bad either haha. Here's the song anyway:
"Come on come on
I see no changes. Wake up in the morning and I ask myself,
"Is life worth living? Should I blast myself?"
I'm tired of bein' poor and even worse I'm black.
My stomach hurts, so I'm lookin' for a purse to snatch.
Cops give a damn about a negro? Pull the trigger, kill a nigga, he's a hero.
Give the crack to the kids who the hell cares? One less hungry mouth on the welfare.
First ship 'em dope & let 'em deal the brothers.
Give 'em guns, step back, and watch 'em kill each other.
"It's time to fight back", that's what Huey said.
2 shots in the dark now Huey's dead.
I got love for my brother, but we can never go nowhere
unless we share with each other. We gotta start makin' changes.
Learn to see me as a brother 'stead of 2 distant strangers.
And that's how it's supposed to be.
How can the Devil take a brother if he's close to me?
I'd love to go back to when we played as kids,
but things change, and that's the way it is.

[Bridge w/ changing ad libs]

(Come on, come on) That's just the way it is. Things'll never be the same.
That's just the way it is. aww yeah...
[Repeat]

I see no changes. All I see is racist faces.
Misplaced hate makes disgrace for races we under.
I wonder what it takes to make this one better place...
let's erase the wasted.
Take the evil out the people, they'll be acting right.
'Cause mo' black than white is smokin' crack tonight.
And only time we chill is when we kill each other.
It takes skill to be real, time to heal each other.
And although it seems heaven sent,
we ain't ready to see a black President, uhh.
It ain't a secret don't conceal the fact...
the penitentiary's packed, and it's filled with blacks.
But some things will never change.
Try to show another way, but they stayin' in the dope game.
Now tell me what's a mother to do?
Bein' real don't appeal to the brother in you.
You gotta operate the easy way.
"I made a G today" But you made it in a sleazy way.
Sellin' crack to the kids. "I gotta get paid,"
Well hey, well that's the way it is.

[Bridge]
[Talking:]

We gotta make a change...
It's time for us as a people to start makin' some changes.
Let's change the way we eat, let's change the way we live
and let's change the way we treat each other.
You see the old way wasn't working so it's on us to do
what we gotta do, to survive.

And still I see no changes. Can't a brother get a little peace?
There's war on the streets & the war in the Middle East.
Instead of war on poverty,
they got a war on drugs so the police can bother me.
And I ain't never did a crime I ain't have to do.
But now I'm back with the facts givin' 'em back to you.
Don't let 'em jack you up, back you up, crack you up and pimp smack you up.
You gotta learn to hold ya own.
They get jealous when they see ya with ya mobile phone.
But tell the cops they can't touch this.
I don't trust this, when they try to rush I bust this.
That's the sound of my tune. You say it ain't cool, but mama didn't raise no fool.
And as long as I stay black, I gotta stay strapped & I never get to lay back.
'Cause I always got to worry 'bout the pay backs.
Some buck that I roughed up way back... comin' back after all these years.
Rat-a-tat-tat-tat-tat. That's the way it is. uhh

[Bridge 'til fade]
Some things never change. "
He answers some real hard questions some people struggle with like why there is crime, etc.
His first verse is amazing in this song, he asks if he should kill himself because of his living conditions, I couldn't imagne it, "My stomach hurts, so I'm lookin' for a purse to snatch.
Cops give a damn about a negro? Pull the trigger, kill a nigga, he's a hero." Is a perfect example of a recursive sequence of crime in this world. This quote goes hand in hand with my next one, " There's war on the streets & the war in the Middle East. Instead of war on poverty,
they got a war on drugs so the police can bother me." It makes perfect sense... Plus most people can't hold jobs which is the worst part just because of their record or because of the people who categorize them. The whole song is so well written it's shocking, the next part I liked was: ""It's time to fight back", that's what Huey said. 2 shots in the dark now Huey's dead. I got love for my brother, but we can never go nowhere unless we share with each other. We gotta start makin' changes." All the people who preach change, peace, a better world, is killed. What's wrong with a better world? Or even trying new things like treating all people, equally, the way God meant it to be. I personally think if we had someone with the mental capactiy of Tupac, he could do so much better than who we have and whoever we will have. " And although it seems heaven sent, we ain't ready to see a black President, uhh." Someone with experience with the worst and an education with the best, that's what this world needs. The problem is though, someone is going to want to kill him, how stupid. The next part, " You gotta operate the easy way. "I made a G today" But you made it in a sleazy way. Sellin' crack to the kids. "I gotta get paid," Well hey, well that's the way it is." Consider the fact that that's the way it is, I would agree with selling drugs but only if the guy did it to start a business or something honorable and give back to the community, it's going to happen anyway if there are poor people so someone is going to want good quick cash. I've lost my train of thought because blogger fucked up and thank God I copied this far or this would all have been gone. Shit this whole blogger deleting my thing or not posting it is like me writing something good and being crushed by the evil like I've been trying to write about. I've been told a good way to end a story is with a quote, so here it goes, "How many brothas fell victim to tha streetz Rest in peace young nigga, there's a Heaven for a 'G' be a lie, If I told ya that I never thought of death my niggas, we tha last ones left but life goes on....."

It's been a while... I can't stand looking at my writing, I look away. I don't know why, perhaps it doesn't seem like its, "me". It really doesn't, maybe I'm scared of change or development, I love the young life. This emotional, writing, beautiful side of me, is so shy. It rarely comes out, it's only when I'm alone. With so much to write about in this world, so many bad things are happening in this world, as well as many great things. There's a kid born now as I write, every 3 seconds or so? I can't imagine that at all. A person dying right now in a drunk driving accident, or naturally, or murdered or something normal people can't and don't want to think about. Well, I've been listening to some of Tupac's song and reading lyrics recently. His words are amazing, and have filled me with an infinite amount of inspiration. The words are so true and great, and to think he's gone and it's probably some huge cover up as we all know it has to be. Sitting here writing I wonder if he's looking at me smiling, but why would he care about me? It's still something to think about. I've got so much to write it's like there's an ability in me to write a damn encyclopedia! Back to Tupac, his words in all of his personal songs, not his killing shit-talking songs which aren't bad either haha. Here's the song anyway:
"Come on come on
I see no changes. Wake up in the morning and I ask myself,
"Is life worth living? Should I blast myself?"
I'm tired of bein' poor and even worse I'm black.
My stomach hurts, so I'm lookin' for a purse to snatch.
Cops give a damn about a negro? Pull the trigger, kill a nigga, he's a hero.
Give the crack to the kids who the hell cares? One less hungry mouth on the welfare.
First ship 'em dope & let 'em deal the brothers.
Give 'em guns, step back, and watch 'em kill each other.
"It's time to fight back", that's what Huey said.
2 shots in the dark now Huey's dead.
I got love for my brother, but we can never go nowhere
unless we share with each other. We gotta start makin' changes.
Learn to see me as a brother 'stead of 2 distant strangers.
And that's how it's supposed to be.
How can the Devil take a brother if he's close to me?
I'd love to go back to when we played as kids,
but things change, and that's the way it is.

[Bridge w/ changing ad libs]

(Come on, come on) That's just the way it is. Things'll never be the same.
That's just the way it is. aww yeah...
[Repeat]

I see no changes. All I see is racist faces.
Misplaced hate makes disgrace for races we under.
I wonder what it takes to make this one better place...
let's erase the wasted.
Take the evil out the people, they'll be acting right.
'Cause mo' black than white is smokin' crack tonight.
And only time we chill is when we kill each other.
It takes skill to be real, time to heal each other.
And although it seems heaven sent,
we ain't ready to see a black President, uhh.
It ain't a secret don't conceal the fact...
the penitentiary's packed, and it's filled with blacks.
But some things will never change.
Try to show another way, but they stayin' in the dope game.
Now tell me what's a mother to do?
Bein' real don't appeal to the brother in you.
You gotta operate the easy way.
"I made a G today" But you made it in a sleazy way.
Sellin' crack to the kids. "I gotta get paid,"
Well hey, well that's the way it is.

[Bridge]
[Talking:]

We gotta make a change...
It's time for us as a people to start makin' some changes.
Let's change the way we eat, let's change the way we live
and let's change the way we treat each other.
You see the old way wasn't working so it's on us to do
what we gotta do, to survive.

And still I see no changes. Can't a brother get a little peace?
There's war on the streets & the war in the Middle East.
Instead of war on poverty,
they got a war on drugs so the police can bother me.
And I ain't never did a crime I ain't have to do.
But now I'm back with the facts givin' 'em back to you.
Don't let 'em jack you up, back you up, crack you up and pimp smack you up.
You gotta learn to hold ya own.
They get jealous when they see ya with ya mobile phone.
But tell the cops they can't touch this.
I don't trust this, when they try to rush I bust this.
That's the sound of my tune. You say it ain't cool, but mama didn't raise no fool.
And as long as I stay black, I gotta stay strapped & I never get to lay back.
'Cause I always got to worry 'bout the pay backs.
Some buck that I roughed up way back... comin' back after all these years.
Rat-a-tat-tat-tat-tat. That's the way it is. uhh

[Bridge 'til fade]
Some things never change. "
He answers some real hard questions some people struggle with like why there is crime, etc.
His first verse is amazing in this song, he asks if he should kill himself because of his living conditions, I couldn't imagne it, "My stomach hurts, so I'm lookin' for a purse to snatch.
Cops give a damn about a negro? Pull the trigger, kill a nigga, he's a hero." Is a perfect example of a recursive sequence of crime in this world. This quote goes hand in hand with my next one, " There's war on the streets & the war in the Middle East. Instead of war on poverty,
they got a war on drugs so the police can bother me." It makes perfect sense... Plus most people can't hold jobs which is the worst part just because of their record or because of the people who categorize them. The whole song is so well written it's shocking, the next part I liked was: ""It's time to fight back", that's what Huey said. 2 shots in the dark now Huey's dead. I got love for my brother, but we can never go nowhere unless we share with each other. We gotta start makin' changes." All the people who preach change, peace, a better world, is killed. What's wrong with a better world? Or even trying new things like treating all people, equally, the way God meant it to be. I personally think if we had someone with the mental capactiy of Tupac, he could do so much better than who we have and whoever we will have. " And although it seems heaven sent, we ain't ready to see a black President, uhh." Someone with experience with the worst and an education with the best, that's what this world needs. The problem is though, someone is going to want to kill him, how stupid. The next part, " You gotta operate the easy way. "I made a G today" But you made it in a sleazy way. Sellin' crack to the kids. "I gotta get paid," Well hey, well that's the way it is." Consider the fact that that's the way it is, I would agree with selling drugs but only if the guy did it to start a business or something honorable and give back to the community, it's going to happen anyway if there are poor people so someone is going to want good quick cash. "I've been told a good way to end a story is with a quote, so here it goes How many brothas fell victim to tha streetz Rest in peace young nigga, there's a Heaven for a 'G' be a lie, If I told ya that I never thought of death my niggas, we tha last ones left, but life goes on....."

"Socialism"

Halfway through my last post you see I was getting angry. We'll my brother saw what I was writing and it pissed me off to see him sitting there smiling behind my backing then laughing. I took out the word drunk before drunk friends because he saw that word, instantly. Well it seems today what my brother did is a bigger idea. Where some people are put down when they use their wonderful minds, like in my case. As if its socially unacceptable. That's the only thing I think about when I'm writing. If other people will accept of it. Like right now I have that feeling in my stotomach, my heart, my body, i don't know. If I should keep writing or just trash all of this because some kid from my school might read it and come up to me and call me a fag. What's so unacceptable about thinking? Do you all have to be the exact same? I like standing out in crowds sometimes, but that's when I act like a fool when I'm with my cousins' and it's all for fun. You can see now that I'm writing alot more, unconscienscly, blah however you spell that damn word, because my brother is asleep and I don't have to worry about what to write, as long as he doesn't see it of course. Because you know it'll be posted up all over the school the next day or something as equally as frustrating. A good example would be some of the students in my school, they write just like I do on this thing for American Studies, while at my friends house they were reading it and thinking wow this kid is so weird just look at how much he writes. I was thinking the same too but whatever, let him do whatever he wants, anyway he's probably writing all of that to suck up to the teacher or someting like that. It's not hard to write a whole page of things but when it's not "normal" you can easily tell they have too much time for writing. The thing is the same people like... Tupac, famous mathematicians, philosophers, all of them, they all had diaries of some sort even just to scribble something down. I personally believe there's a way, a cookbook to raising a genius. I've read alot about what the past geniuses have done while growing up and between all of them the methods they used to learn things were basically the same. They all had diaries with reflections and such hard thinkings, especially the one with tupac, he wrote alot, he was a genius he really was as is many other people. All you need to do is use your brain, write more, reflect more, philosophy, learn as MUCh as you can because what is life without knowledge? The measurement of genius I think has a direct relation with the amount of neurons in your mind, if you see my profile you'll see my little comment about it. Yeah so, there was this one story about Mr Einstein, these doctors had his brain without their parents permission and studied to figure out how this guy was so damn smart. Well he saw that Albert there had an enormous amount of neurons in his brain, its weird to think about it. Since I still don't know how God got around to the idea of being able and where to store and recall memories, facts, etc. Wow Look at the time... I've been writing for 15 minutes, haha more than enough for one day... I'll be back later!

Blog's

What can I write about? Well, I'm listening to Future Trance Volume 29 and it's awsome. Hmm last night was fun as well. One think I remember other than all of my friends were driving through the town. There were these rich Italian guys in this restraraunt at the corner and we pulled up at a red light next to them with some other kids cars in front of ours. This girl that sat next to me came out of the window and waved at her friends I looked out and saw the men sitting outside looking at us like w're animals but not in that way. In more of a curious way.I was looking at him for five seconds and I don't know what I saw but it was weird. It was like,looking through his eyes, I could think what he did. Like I was reading his mind, but not really you know. It was like looking through his eyes, seeing his world. A guy and a girl in this car with the music blasting some kids in the front. Girls hanging out of the window in the car in front of us. "Just a bunch of crazy ass kids trying to have a good time." It was a weird feeling, curious, yet... I didn't care muchabout what he thought, except the way he looked, his posture, his hair. You know now as I realize it, the only reason I'mnot able to express myself fully is because of my fucking brother. e always looks at what I read that I consider well written, or just personal and he tries making fun of it. See I don't even know if I've got spelling mistakses or not ecause I'm hiding my window so that douche won't see what I write. He knows he has no reason to look at my writing but he doesn't care. He could be smart, he really could., but he's a lazy, kid. Who won't accept faults and improve on it. All he ever does is ask questions, if he cant do anything by himself, he'll beg me to fix it, if not he'll go get someone to fix it for him. How retarded can you be? Please teach yourself how to fuckin do things instead of being a bitch, teach yourself something and make your mind valuable. God gave it to you for a reason, you CAN make mistakes, if you do make them accept them, and stop being a punk by saying, "Ok stop yelling at me" and holding it inside like a bitch, make something of your self and you'll become something. It's a simple saying that my dad always uses, " Help yourself and God will help you." That quote is a universal thing, if you want to improve yourself, you've got to become a different person, personality-wise. It will only be for the better, How far are grades in the 60's going to take you? I don't know, let's ask Mr. History and see how many peopole are rememberd for their brilliance in the art of laziness... no one. If your reading this and your thinking "Wow this kid is gay" fuck you. you have no right to judge someone and try to lower their self-esteem. I already know what I am and this is just the more personal side that never comes out in public, enough people know me to prove your idea wrong too, whatever. If you aim to improve yourself mentally, stop being a dick and try to be open minded and understand, thats great. I've got alot of more things to ramble on about but I can't do it now because I can't see what I'm writing. I'll leave that for future posts.

OK

hi2u