This feeling.

I don't know what to say. Well, it's only been 8 days since the last update.Though I am updating today for a different reason. I feel totally different now. Elated, alive, in love. I never thought that would come out of my mouth anytime soon. I really wouldn't be surprised if I was single my whole life, seriously. I've always thought that I would be a good "other", but doubted I would get the chance. Now, it's hard to breathe. My mind's been conquered and new thoughts have been running throughout it all day. "You really are my ecstasy."

It's so weird. I've never felt this way before. I can only hope she does too. I might as well start from the beginning. That would be yesterday. Semso and I went to the mall to get his girlfriend something nice. So we went to Godiva, some shop for chocolates. I saw this teddy bear with chocolates and all I see was her eyes. I wondered if I should buy it, since Valentine's day is coming up and everything. So we did, me and Semso got the same bears. Later that night we went to Semso's girlfriends house to play B.S., the game Suad owns at. It was 10:30 and she had to leave I was nervous and everything about the gift. Semso said that I should go, I was so nervous and wow you've got no idea. I went to his car picked the bear up and when they were leaving the driveway I stopped them to give it to her. Damn, I was so nervous I said something like, "Yeah, so ok, so yeah, well um here." Instead of something that you'd see in the movies like, "Yo whats up, I wanted you to know that." and you know, show it then. She smiled, something I won't be forgetting that ever, then got up and hugged me. I was glad to see her so happy. She came in I thought it would be another hug, but it wasn't. I had no idea it was coming, and it was my first. When she left I stood there for a minute and was like, what just happenned? Every detail I've recalled so far my heart's been pumping faster, writing this, wow how weird. I went inside and sat there not knowing what to think or do while Semso was teasing me like he always does. Well, yeah then we went to Dunkin Donuts for food and hot chocolate and that was the rest of the night. I stayed up for a real long time, still in shock.

Of course, I still am shocked and probably will be for a while. Semso said that she actually slept with the bear. So now, I'm here writing. This WHOLE day has been thinking about it and having trouble breathing. If this is how it really feels, I like it. No, I love it. No one's ever talked about like this. Here's one of Tupac's poems about his girlfriend:

There R no words 2 express
how much I truely care
so many times I fantisize of
feelings we can share
My heart has never known
the Joy u bring 2 me
As if GOD knew what I wanted
and made u a reality
I'd die 2 hold u or 2 kiss u
or merely to see your face
my stomach quivers my body shivers
and my heart increases pace
2 give me $ or lots of gold
would not be the same 2 me
I prayed and watched the distant stars
and finally u came 2 me!

And he captures my emotions as well. I will always remember that Saturday. February 12, 2005. I hope whatever develops soon is, good. What a different, lively feeling it is. That moment is in my mind, forever. Well, that was my sappy love story, and I actually loved writing it. These are my personal thoughts, I don't think anyone visits this website anymore except me so I'm free here. The magic, the night, my life is, more than all right.