Guises and Sizes

"The earth's a prison--one can't get away
From it, whatever clothes one wears.
I'm still too young to lack desires,
Not young enough now for mere play.
What satisfaction can life hold?
Do without, do without! That old
Command pursues us down the years
Endlessly echoing in our ears--
The same old hoarse repeated song
Heard hour by hour our whole life long!
With each new dawn I wake aghast,
My eyes with bitter tears are filled
To think that when this day has passed
I'll not have had one single wish fulfilled,
That even my presentiments of joy
Will die of nagging scruples, and life's mess
Of trivial impediments destroy
My active soul's creativeness.
When the night falls, I seek my bed
With anxious fears, with many a sigh,
But find no peace: with sights of dread
Wild dreams torment me as I lie.
And though a god lives in my heart,
Though all my powers waken at his word,
Though he can move every inmost part--
Yet nothing in the outer world is stirred.
Thus by existence tortured and opressed
I crave for death, I long for rest."
Faust

I've finished my second book, Faust, and still crave for more. A damn good book, but what do you expect when the author took 30 years to write it? I put this quote here for a sort of feeling I have, the same feeling Faust had in that verse. It's probably wrong but I just feel I'll never be able to affect the world in any way that I've thought before, people just don't care. Whatever.
I've been thinking recently and want to show all an observation I've made. It's funny when people talk about making peace and love with each other, give out aid, be selfless, when there's mass approval or liking of songs and other things that involve killing others, selling drugs, raping women, pimp-slapping hoes, and whatever else fits here. Do people really believe the things they're saying? It's weird, but I'm like that and I don't. It's all an illusion to strike fear into other men's hearts, and for rappers to make an insane amount of cash. People are so bent on making sure they look intimidating and act violently. When I see a bunch of guys in a car looking at me while listening to loud rap music, I do feel a bit different. But what's the point? I'm sure those people are just like anyone else and love to have fun, drink, and revel like it's their last day alive. It's dumb, when people look scared you're self-esteem rises and it's like a cycle until you hit the climax of a brawl. Why does there have to be this violence and motley species of pompous assholes? Have fun, be friends with everyone and let everyone else do the same. I can visualize a place in my minds eye where we could drop our Lord of the Flies type of guise and be real. It'll take a lot of change in today's train of thought so it's bound to take a very long time, or something like Jesus' second coming...

My next book is in the library and I'll probably go tomorrow if I'm compelled enough, there's a quote from Faust that I can't find but I remember had something to do about that. It was like "If you at least take a few steps, you'll be compelled to complete the rest." I've done it to myself and proven it true. When you're done with a book, there's a really nice sense of accomplishment. When I read the last line and close the book, I take a look at it from the side and gaze wearily at the sublime feat accomplished. Instead of writhing like a worm and giving up and out, you build and "workout" your mind, just like you would the fiber cells of a bicep and grow to grand heights. If you stop "working out", both mind and a muscle can be bogged and dispersed. That's why a routine is the only thing it takes. Some people think you can take some pills, get huge, and stay that way without any real work. No it's a plan, not even that, it's a lifestyle. Understand that and you'll be successful at whatever you want. That's a great thing about being human, they have this ability to be good at anything all you need is the will. So basically you could carve a baby into anything you want, pro athlete, intellectual, saint, whatever. If they have the will it's almost a done deal. My will now is to read more and incorporate it into my lifestyle. Soon I'll also be doing that with weight lifting and my life will be a bit different, but for the better. I hate how the curse of laziness can affect a man's body, so I'll start out the way Goethe told me to: with one step.

peace