I'll start with love yet again, although the premise of this thought has interesting implications. I've been thinking about the mechanics of relationships and the interesting properties humans seem to attribute with them. This idea that came to me might be able to explain problems associated with relationships however, "self-actualized" people would probably benefit the most from the insights.
"Love" between two people, assuming it's "real" and not developed through any hostile or cruel intentions, is an experience of wondrous proportions. The feeling of highs and lows associated with life are much more sensitive and are sources of great joy or sorrow. What is it about love that may change one's sensitivity to such things? My idea, my answer, is that it might have to do with the connection between two people. It might have an explanation in the idea of possession, to be specific.
Walking through convenience stores you'll probably come across the gift card section filled with cute looking images, vibrant colors, and witty sayings. "You're mine." is a perfect example, or even the counter, "I'm yours." They express a deep attachment, a mutual understanding; it's as if they're agreeing, "I'm your property and you're mine." Well, what significance does this have?
Property is an abstract idea. It's the foundation of Western philosophy and law. When applied to love, as it does in life with tangible things, problems arise when "love" isn't mutually agreed upon by all parties including third parties. When "claims of ownership" are challenged conflicts arise. In these cases feelings of sorrow are common, and painful. Who's going to solve the problem?
In my case my possessiveness kept me from thinking positively. Although I understood there was a mutual agreement, I couldn't accept it out of selfishness. Instead of giving praise I gave mean looks. Back then I felt like it was an insult, a conspiracy or a game, to "mess around with my love." Looking back I see it had nothing to do with me, it was a natural expression of love, and I should have been more understanding. I learned a lot. I had put a value on sex, as some sort of transcendent, holy, thing, as opposed to what it really is. That was my biggest mistake, and I can only blame my virginity and wasted youth on that.
I don't know how I should value virginity, to some it's a curse and to others it's a blessing. I guess it all comes down to what you believe metaphysically. The way I see the world now, I wish it wasn't so hard. The idea of saving yourself for someone you love is cute, but many people don't care for that. Who's right? I guess they're just preferences.
Free love is something I've gained a lot of respect for because of that, it only makes sense especially under the anarchic principles I subscribe to. Love is something that should reign as freely and fully as it wants to. After all, there are more than six billion people on earth; the idea of "the one" is silly. If your soulmate happened to live in the most remote part of the planet and you don't find him/her, have you failed as a human being? No. There is no predetermined "one," there are only people. Some people you may like more than others because of their personality or whatever else. If there's something that might be similar to the "one," that I think is actually better, it would be the person you're most comfortable with.
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