To: Paul

Here is a little reply to his comment on one of my previous articles: ""Absolutely no evidence in support of creationism? How would he know..."
So, present some. Evidence, I mean. You know, in favour of creationism. Just one piece. "

So here's some evidence "you know, in favour of creationism" Just it's not going to be one piece:

-The fact that they haven't found any "missing links". In short, the fossil record shows that living species emerged suddenly and perfectly formed, not by following a process from primitive forms to advanced ones as evolution claims.

-Probably the biggest hit: The CHANCE of even the SIMPLEST PROTEIN or CELL being formed is about 10 to the 950th power. If you don't understand let me put it in perspective: That's the same thing as finding a winning lottery ticket on the floor! Everyday, for 1000 years!!! That's just for the most simple building block of a being, so look at the numbers and think how much more impossible it is to create the great human being "by chance."

-The fact that they've found fossils of insects like ants and other species that are still the exact same as today's species.

-If humans descended from monkeys, why are there still monkeys?

-It is obvious that mutations are solely a destructive mechanism. Pierre-Paul Grassé, former president of the French Academy of Sciences, is quite clear on this point in a comment he made about mutations. Grassé compared mutations to "making mistakes in the letters when copying a written text." And as with mutations, letter mistakes cannot give rise to any information, but merely damage such information as already exists. Grassé explained this fact in this way:
Mutations, in time, occur incoherently. They are not complementary to one another, nor are they cumulative in successive generations toward a given direction. They modify what preexists, but they do so in disorder, no matter how…. As soon as some disorder, even slight, appears in an organized being, sickness, then death follow. There is no possible compromise between the phenomenon of life and anarchy.24
So for that reason, as Grassé puts it, "No matter how numerous they may be, mutations do not produce any kind of evolution."So for that reason, as Grassé puts it, "No matter how numerous they may be, mutations do not produce any kind of evolution. 24 Pierre-Paul Grassé, Evolution of Living Organisms, Academic Press, New York, 1977, p. 97, 98


-As we have seen, mutations are harmful to living things and no example of a beneficial mutation has ever been observed. The examples put forward by evolutionists as "beneficial mutations" all actually consist of distortions. In none of these examples have the benefits necessary for the evolution of an organism-that is, an increase in genetic information-ever come about. Let us now examine why the instances of "beneficial mutations" put forward by evolutionists are not actually useful at all, and cannot lead to evolution.
Sickle-Cell Anemia:
The only instance evolutionary biologists give of "useful mutation" is the disease known as sickle cell anemia. In this, the hemoglobin molecule, which serves to carry oxygen in the blood, is damaged as a result of mutation, and undergoes a structural change. As a result of this, the hemoglobin molecule's ability to carry oxygen is seriously impaired. People with sickle cell anemia suffer increasing respiratory difficulties for this reason. However, this example of mutation, which is discussed under blood disorders in medical textbooks, is strangely evaluated by some evolutionary biologists as a "useful mutation."
They say that the partial immunity to malaria by those with the illness is a "gift" of evolution. Using the same logic, one could say that, since people born with genetic leg paralysis are unable to walk and so are saved from being killed in traffic accidents, therefore genetic leg paralysis is a "useful genetic feature." This logic is clearly totally unfounded.

Bacterial resistance to antibiotics:
Another example of evolutionists' "beneficial mutations" is the resistance of bacteria to antibiotics. Like all the other examples, this one, too, is a deception. It is no secret that bacteria gradually develop a resistance to antibiotics over time. What happens is this: Most bacteria subjected to an antibiotic die, but some remain unaffected by it, and multiplying rapidly they come to comprise the entire population. In this way, the entire population comes to be immune to the antibiotic.
Evolutionists, however, claim that bacteria evolve according to the conditions in which they find themselves. The truth is, however, rather different. The Israeli biophysicist Professor Lee Spetner is one of the figures who have carried out the most detailed studies in this area. Professor Spetner explains how this resistance comes about by means of two separate mechanisms, neither of which makes any contribution to evolution. The two mechanisms in question are:
1) The transmission of already existing immunity genes in the bacteria and
2) The building of resistance as a result of losing genetic data because of mutation.
The first mechanism is no evidence for evolution:
In a 2001 article Professor Spetner describes the first mechanism in this way:
Some microorganisms are endowed with genes that grant resistance to these antibiotics. This resistance can take the form of degrading the antibiotic molecule or of ejecting it from the cell... [T]he organisms having these genes can transfer them to other bacteria making them resistant as well. Although the resistance mechanisms are specific to a particular antibiotic, most pathogenic bacteria have... succeeded in accumulating several sets of genes granting them resistance to a variety of antibiotics.12
This is no proof of evolution, as Professor Spetner describes:
The acquisition of antibiotic resistance in this manner... is not the kind that can serve as a prototype for the mutations needed to account for Evolution… The genetic changes that could illustrate the theory must not only add information to the bacterium's genome, they must add new information to the biocosm. The horizontal transfer of genes only spreads around genes that are already in some species.13
In other words, there is no evolution here because no new genetic information appears. All that happens is that genetic information that already exists is transferred among bacteria.
There is no instance of a mutation that "improves genetic information," and the immunity mechanisms in bacteria do not represent evidence for the theory of evolution. The basic process in evolution is just not possible.

-All mutations have proved to be harmful. The evolutionist scientist Warren Weaver comments on the report prepared by the Committee on Genetic Effects of Atomic Radiation, which had been formed to investigate mutations that might have been caused by the nuclear weapons used in the Second World War:
Many will be puzzled about the statement that practically all known mutant genes are harmful. For mutations are a necessary part of the process of evolution. How can a good effect-evolution to higher forms of life-result from mutations practically all of which are harmful?20

-Every effort put into "generating a useful mutation" has resulted in failure. For decades, evolutionists carried out many experiments to produce mutations in fruit flies, as these insects reproduce very rapidly and so mutations would show up quickly. Generation upon generation of these flies were mutated, yet no useful mutation was ever observed. The evolutionist geneticist Gordon Taylor writes thus:
It is a striking, but not much mentioned fact that, though geneticists have been breeding fruit-flies for sixty years or more in labs all round the world- flies which produce a new generation every eleven days-they have never yet seen the emergence of a new species or even a new enzyme.21

-

The same holds true for man. All mutations that have been observed in human beings have had deleterious results. All mutations that take place in humans result in physical deformities, in infirmities such as mongolism, Down syndrome, albinism, dwarfism or cancer. Needless to say, a process that leaves people disabled or sick cannot be "an evolutionary mechanism"-evolution is supposed to produce forms that are better fitted to survive.

-A great problem for the theory of evolution by natural selection, is that it cannot enable new organs or traits to emerge in living things. Natural selection cannot develop a species' genetic data; therefore, it cannot be used to account for the emergence of new species. The greatest defender of the theory of punctuated equilibrium, Stephen Jay Gould, refers to this impasse of natural selection as follows;
The essence of Darwinism lies in a single phrase: natural selection is the creative force of evolutionary change. No one denies that selection will play a negative role in eliminating the unfit. Darwinian theories require that it create the fit as well.17
Another of the misleading methods that evolutionists employ on the issue of natural selection is their effort to present this mechanism as an intelligent designer. However,natural selection has no intelligence. It does not possess a will that can decide what is good and what is bad for living things. As a result, natural selection cannot explain biological systems and organs that possess the feature of "irreducible complexity". These systems and organs are composed of a great number of parts cooperating together, and are of no use if even one of these parts is missing or defective. (For example, the human eye does not function unless it exists with all its components intact).
Therefore, the will that brings all these parts together should be able to foresee the future and aim directly at the advantage that is to be acquired at the final stage. Since natural selection has no consciousness or will, it can do no such thing. This fact, which demolishes the foundations of the theory of evolution, also worried Darwin, who wrote: "If it could be demonstrated that any complex organ existed, which could not possibly have been formed by numerous, successive, slight modifications, my theory would absolutely break down."



-Here is a small list of methods Darwinists use to persuade people to their side. I'll bet you've fallen to them by one of these methods namely, the second one:

Method # 1. They depict evolutionist scientists as very learned, superhuman individuals
Method # 2. Those who accept the theory of evolution are presented as respected scientists; those who do not accept it are branded as conservatives
Method # 3: They try to influence people by using scientific terms and concepts that laymen cannot understand
Method # 4: In order not to break the spell of Darwinism, they themselves do not read, nor do they want their followers to read anything that criticizes them
Method # 5: They pass over questions about evidence for the collapse of the theory of evolution with dismissive responses and later, give the impression that they answered them
Method # 6: Darwinists resort to every kind of rhetorical device toget people under their influence
Method # 7: They try to prove evolution on the evidence of irrelevant topics and discoveries




-In the end after some evidence is presented and people still don't want to believe it is because they are bigots. There is a chance they have a great skepticism for God as well, I wouldn't blame them
because I also don't like the Bible. It's been revised so many times by different sects that the actual meaning is distorted and the book has many inconsistencies. I don't mind if anyone is a Catholic or
what not, but I believe the Qu'ran is the most consistent piece of writing people should read. The problem is, they don't because they feel weird thinking about Arabs and have probably been
taught their whole life not to believe our "nonsense." I say, read what I have and learn. Ask what you want, but if you still don't believe what I say, I'll just say "so be it" and leave you alone.
I just say that because in the Qu'ran it says that you can't convert all people, if he really wanted everyone to believe in Him he would have. That's why this life is just a "test" I hope for your sake
you believe what I have to say. Life is too complex and beautiful in every way to be here by chance. So for any questions, go ahead and ask away.

I'm back with some news: School is over on Tuesday. Now don't think that since it's summer I'll just be wasting time like most of the kids around here. Yea, in fact, I'll actually be reading. Why? I just want to. I'll also be studying a lot of other things like religion or law. I've already made a list of books to read, so here it is:

Dante - Inferno(Divine Comedy)
Vergil - Aeneid
Chaucer - Canterbury Tales
Homer - Iliad
Sophocles - Oedipus Rex
Voltaire - Candide
Milton - Paradise Lost
Hawthorne - Scarlett Letter
Goethe - Faust
Edgar Allen Poe - Selected Works
Thoreau - Walden
Hugo - Les Miserables
Beowulf
Badnarik - Good to be King

Damn, 14 books. I really hope I get to finish them all too, I probably will. I just wonder what I'll read after I'm done? Well, I know on rainy days I'll be here reading and probably updating my Blog for whoever's reading. In the end, I just want to learn a lot from these books and start by myself in my own personal renaissance.

I have three more final exams: Chemistry, English, and Latin. I'll be out of school by Tuesday, didn't I already say that? Yeah, I did. Well Anyways, it's Friday and like many other weekends before: I'm at home. I might as well read or do some homework. I guess I'm not the kind of kid people want to be around, I don't care, I've got the Internet and that's all that matters...

Just another update

"QUOTE (Golden Arrowhead @ Jun 5 2005, 08:09 AM) It would be foolish to think we know the whole truth about anything, we're always learning new things about the universe. That said, I have no doubt at all that the theory of evolution is closer to the truth than creationism. Haven't checked the video yet but I really doubt it would change my opinion. Yeah there's gaps and inconsistencies in our understanding of evolution, but there is a lot of evidence in support of the general concept of evolution, and no evidence at all in support of creationism, unless you consider a simple-minded literalistic reading of a many-times-translated-and-mistranslated religious text to be "evidence"."

http://www.nwcreation.net/videos/a_question_of_origins.html

Check out the video, it changes lives! I can't stress how much ignorance is dumb, so if you don't already believe in creationism check out the video. It has enough of the facts to tell you, "told ya so!"

"Yeah there's gaps and inconsistencies in our understanding of evolution, but there is a lot of evidence in support of the general concept of evolution, and no evidence at all in support of creationism" Absolutely no evidence in support of creationism? How would he know... God's universe is flawless and VERY complex. I've talked about it before in past posts and I just know sooner or later this ignorance will diminish.

It's interesting to still see how no one considers the Qu'ran, only the Bible is what they're taught: "many-times-translated-and-mistranslated religious text to be "evidence"."" That's the only reason I don't really like the Bible, but some idea's they have are similar to ours so I don't really mind. I cant hate them for it, that would be dumb. Still, it's sad to see that no one knows what our Book talks about.

I've made a list of what I'm going to read this summer, and after that I'll figure out how to write a sort of book. Too big a goal? No, I don't think so. I'll improve my writing and revise my book as much as I can. Don't know what else to say, it's the afternoon and this isn't half as deep as it could be so I'll write again later.

Cards

I was just reading a forum, this guy's talking about his girlfriend and another user commented with:

"I think she looks like a great woman and would probably do more for you than put out, if you just give it time. She looks like a woman that can be caring, keep a house clean, and cook really well.

I think you should keep holding your cards and wait to see what the river card turns up. You are only out of the game if you fold early."

I liked the cards analogy a lot. I like the way you can relate it to life, it's interesting. It's a little lesson for some, I guess for me as well. My dad says you should learn from your mistakes, and from other people's mistakes. That's what I've been sort of subconciously doing my whole life, and I've never made a really bad mistake and I don't believe I would. Sure I'd make some with something I don't really have experience with, but I learn quickly. I don't know what to do today, read or go out. It's Saturday, what the hell...

Thanks

Ha, when I meant post comments I only thought 1 other person I know visits this site. It's a Big surprise to see others read this, as much as I try to keep it private. Thanks for reading, I guess. Oh, and how's this for a new template? To tell you the truth, I actually felt a lot within myself while writing that poem below, it is what I feel. Just now I've let it flow away, into oblivion. Until of course, I hear her name even if it's not the right person, that name will always be there next to some iffy feeling I can't really explain.

Attempts

I just wrote this today, it's only practice and not really the way I feel at all. It's just a little practice I guess on writing creatively, try to interpret it and tell me what you think. Leave a comment too, thanks :o



im in love with a girl, behind the picture of my heart,
who overlooked a diamond in the rough. she'll decide what she wants.

it's been a while since we last met
cant hide in my vast regret

was told i jumped the gun
had no doubt of that in my run

to the steps, desired to impress
had no idea it would be a mess

a barren letter binded between a door and pen
laced with ink and the feeling between women and men

i left it to wait and see, it read:
i love you

sorry i didnt tell you before
i cant keep it in anymore

as weird as this may be
i want to know if,
you want to be with me?

we only knew each other for a few months or so
been sitting here by the phone for a few months in woe

im still here, waiting to see
while i pray it happens to me.

in the end there was no reply
not mad, just let out a sigh because

im in love with a girl, bound by chains against a bleeding wall while memories play in my mind's tv screen, who should have looked a little bit harder. she'll decide what she wants...

The War

http://www.newyorker.com/fact/content/articles/050530fa_fact
The war between intelligent design and evolution

It's great to see this happening, finally. I mean c'mon even Darwin wrote a chapter in the Origin of Species named "Difficulties on Theory," and openly admitted the existence of difficulties in these terms:
Such is the sum of the several chief objections and difficulties which may justly be urged against my theory… I have felt these difficulties far too heavily during many years to doubt their weight.

If the guy who created this idea is doubting it, why do others believe in it more than him? When they're asked about the complexities of the eye or other biological miracles, they have no answers. These scientists are complete bigots, as are any atheists. I was atheist too, I just didn't search hard enough so don't feel down, and by the way if you want to read about the Qu'ran don't read any propaganda, just get the actual translation by Yusuf Ali and think about it for youself that's all you need. These scientists are unable to accept anything other than their own beliefs most likely because they are scared of the truth or more commonly, believe adamantly that what they have is the truth. I love how the Evolutionists nowadays are complaining so much, they believe they are not being given "a fair chance." What fair chance? Why accept something that we as mankind are starting to figure out is extremely false? People today let their opinions flow around "too much" I think in a way, so much so that there is no care for truth, just what they think "sounds nice." That's what I can't stand about others beliefs, simply the way they believe something they have no idea in what they're talking about. It's hard for me to put my thoughts into words. Overall I think that, Why bother believing something else when you Know what you believe in is right? The only problem for most religions or beliefs is proving that they are right, almost none can do that. There is no book as well written as the Qu'ran, and by saying well written I mean just amazing in every aspect, it's so correct about what it says that I would consider it a miracle, not Just A Book. Ignornace is a sin, read now and learn what I've found.

New knowledge is the most valuable commodity on Earth. The more truth we have to work with, the richer we become.
Kurt Vonnegut

Surroundings

"http://www.songmeanings.net/lyric.php?lid=61916&offset=25&page=2
by treehousek1d on 05-28-2005 @ 03:26:55 AM

I've always considered this to be sort of an under the radar Miss Misery. The 'girl' serves as a metaphor for a recurrent mental state that manipulates his life, very similar to the Miss Misery conveyed later on in Good Will Hunting.

Towards the end, he realizes that he has little control over how he's received. Your personality is essentially in the hands of other people; you are what those who you surround yourself with make of you. All you can do is 'wait and see.'"

Your personality is essentially in the hands of other people; you are what those who you surround yourself make of you...
My "blog personality" is very different to my actual one, I guess that sentence makes some sense. The way I type when I Blog is I guess, the behind the tinted window actual me. While the outside of my personality is what my friends and family make of me, funny, caring, too shy, if there was a word for life lover it would be here, and whatever you can make of me from videos or experience. Similar, but not the same, like chimp and human DNA. I think it's only me and a few other people that know the actual me. Not even my family knows me, or they at least think they do. How surprised do you think would they be? Probably not at all, maybe just make fun of me in front of new and old people. It sucks to express yourself these days, it's too much a drag for others to understand. I only wish they could see through my 5 percent's. I know for a fact someone can change me, it's already happened and it's a good feeling. While I look at myself and think at some miniscule thing that's been changed, it feels 1000 times better than it should be. I mean you probably wouldn't even understand and that's something I would hide from this blog, how much do I have to hide...
Someone please figure me out, even though that statement just means I'm waiting for a g. I'll probably end up like Nikola Tesla with women, I don't really mind though because I have myself. It's too hard to accept life, I want to remain innocent, like a baby. If I ever lose it I might or might not regret it, but how do I choose? I love women like never before, but damnit I'm living in my own surreal little world where I don't recognize them as humans like me even though they are, but as something better and intangible. It's probably because I take it too far or something, they get weirded out. Man, in the old days this kind of stuff was so much easier... "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
If it's your decision to be open about yourself, be careful or else.

Kings Crossing

Wow haven't updated since the 16th, now it's the 28th. Damn, haha. Anyways, a lot of things have happened since then and I guess you(I) should know. I stopped updating because I joined lacrosse again mid-season with like 4 games left, now it's done. I've been listening to a lot of songs that aren't considered me, but then I read some lyrics and listened to these songs a few times and they're actually good. Well, it's not really a few bands or anything, it's just one guy named Elliot Smith. He died two years ago, either suicide or having been murdered, no one really knows. I downloaded one of his songs a long time ago named Angeles, from the soundtrack of the movie Good Will Hunting. At the same time I'm blogging here, I'm in this MSN chatroom with some Turkish dude who hacked snapple.com and put my name on the shoutouts list which is pretty cool actually. I asked him to take it off after taking a screenshot of it since I know the FBI would destroy me, what can't they do now? Ok back to Elliot Smith, I liked his song Angeles since I heard it during the movie and downloaded it. Then I realized not long ago that this guy actually sang that song(meaning, I forgot who was the singer) and started downloading more and ended up liking it a lot. Most of his songs are about drugs or girlfriends and what I like most about these songs is the way they're written. It gives you a chance to interpret the meaning of the song but in the end you see there's no "correct interpretation." It's vague enough to be understood in many ways but specific enough to give you a good idea on what it's about. Don't understand? Here are some lyrics:

the king's crossing was the main attraction
dominoes are falling in a chain reaction
the scraping subject ruled by fear told me
whiskey works better than beer
the judge is on vinyl, decisions are final
and nobody gets a reprieve
and every wave is tidal
if you hang around
you're going to get wet
i can't prepare for death any more than i already have
all you can do now is watch the shells
the game looks easy that's why it sells
frustrated fireworks inside your head
are going to stand and deliver talk instead
the method acting that pays my bills
keeps the fat man feeding in beverly hills
i got a heavy metal mouth that hurls obscenity
and i get my check from the trash treasury
because i took my own insides out

it don't matter cause i have no sex life
all i want to do now is inject my ex wife
i've seen the movie
and i know what happens

it's christmas time
and the needles on the tree
a skinny santa is bringing something to me
his voice is overwhelming
but his speech is slurred
and i only understand every other word
open your parachute and grab your gun
falling down like an omen, a setting sun
read the part and return at five,
its a hell of a role if you can keep it alive.
but i don't care if i fuck up
i'm going on a date
with a rich white lady
ain't life great?
give me one good reason not to do it

this is the place where time reverses
dead men talk to all the pretty nurses
instruments shine on a silver tray
don't let me get carried away
don't let me get carried away
don't let me be carried away

Read it a few times and think about it. To me, it clearly talks about drugs and tries to put his depression into perspective. Now, what I love about this song is how well he uses metaphors I suppose. The first paragraph is interesting and a good sort of introduction, he talks about the Kings Crossing .. main attraction which is probably the drug. The next line about dominoes falling in a chain reaction is like, once you start you can't stop. Skip a few lines and the verse about injecting his ex-wife is pretty self-explanatory(think heroin). The next part about Santa is interesting as well, it talks about the pine needles on a tree and a skinny santa. If you think about it, the skinny santa is some junky and is bringing Elliot some dope. The next part you would read over and not think twice about it is about dating the rich white lady. I think the rich white lady is not necessarily a human. Again think about heroin, what color is it? I like how he says, "I don't care if I fuck up" before talking about dating the lady and that's what made me re-think. Why would a rich white lady date someone who messes up all the time and doesn't amount to anything? So this relationship has to be with a drug for one, since he talks about it a few times before and two, it's his backup if he screws up or not. The last verse is some sort of image in a hospital where he's searching for help. So the song is about his fame and heroin addiction; his sign to the people is fighting for help in the last verse, so damn good. I should start writing things like that, just to relate to people and prove to myself I'm good at something... Anyways, if you want the song IM me. There's so much more to say about this song, it's almost perfectly written even though there's no such thing. Wait for the next post to explain this, "Do you miss me, Miss Misery, like you say you do?"

Law of Conservation of Matter

Law of conservation of matter: a fundamental principle of classical physics that matter cannot be created or destroyed in an isolated system. Another source states: The total quantity of matter and energy available in the universe is a fixed amount and never any more or less.

After thinking about this "Law" during chemistry class, I think I've come to a "conclusion" about it.
If matter is neither created nor destroyed, how did it come about in the first place? In the big bang, our universe was created with a simple two letter word, "Be!". It had to be then where the law was void and everything was created, and I'm sure it still goes on today even as I write. Think about it, isn't it interesting? It makes sense to me now. How do these new species of animals and strains of virus come about? God has to be the only thing with enough power to be able to break and bend any physical, etc. kind of law, since he invented them all; I'm sure he must be doing it now. A tick is the one kind of animal that I can only think of right now off the top of my head as an animal that "came out of nowhere." Well it did right? There's a lot of other things that seem to me to disprove this theory, I mean, just type "new species" in Google, search and see what comes up.

This one guy from Slashdot, as well as many other brainwashed people believe in Evolution as the "clearly logical" belief of how life came apart,
"Psssssssst....just because you believe in Creation doesn't mean you can't believe in microevolution and evolution within species, especially since we've actually been able to witness it in observation of existing species." Haha, witness it in observation of existing species? What, they just mutate before your eyes? Nope... Or what's funnier,
"Well yeah, it does. Microevolution inevitably leads to macroevolution and therefore species splits. This too, we have observed and documented. Creationists just refuse to acknowledge. That's what is fun to laugh at."Observed and documented, nice choice of words haha...
I see some creationists here as well,
"Next time please talk about something you understand. Here it is in a nutshell. God's original creation was perfect. Sin entered through Adam and Eve's disobediance. God then cursed all creation as punishment.(Genesis 3:14-24) Things like disease and your worm are a direct result of that curse."
The only thing I don't like about Christianity is just how it's able to be criticised,
"Now remember, my child, Everything would've been hunky-dory, except I told you to stay away from the cookie jar and you didn't, so now I have to punish and torture you every day for the rest of your life.
Man, what a great and loving parent.
Incidentally, on the subject of Genesis, which of the two contradictory creation stories would be the correct one?"
This next quote is definitely the reason Christianity is being criticised all the time,
"The bible was written 100-200 years after the death of Jesus, from third party accounts. And has since gone through hundreds of revision by different sects hoping to gain more control through its teachings. What we see now is nothing of the true teachings of Jesus, whom I do believe was a real man. Faith should not make you ignorant to reality as it seems to do with so many people. How can you be content believing in something that just simply doesn't make sense? Faith should help you understand the truth and appreciate the perfect complexities therein. It should expand your mind, not close you off to reality. If your content believing in fairy tails, then that's fine, that's how you chose to manifest your faith...(the end is his personal opinion, not needed.)"
I completely agree, too many people think of Faith as some sort of prison or sort-of evil of believing in things that "make no sense." Well, from third party accounts and much revisions, you'd expect inaccuracies and contradictions. So Islam is God's final present to the people because he tells them to not tamper with it At All, so they didn't and it is still the most beautiful, intellectual book ever created and is simply so great it's not reproducible in its power. Also, it still is giving our oh so genius race new discoveries even after having been written 1400 years prior to these discoveries. Do you think this future telling comes around by Chance? It can't, everything else is so perfect throughout the book and this future telling is another good reason to believe. Why is this truth so hard to find for many people? I've probably been guided to the websites I've visited, that's something weird for me to think about. I do have to say though, I'm very grateful and happy. Since I figured this all out I don't think I've ever been truly sad, because there's no reason to be. I think I'm acing our great "test." It's not over though, I want to write a whole lot before I die. To start my own brance of science,"irfology" haha. I'd have to thank Mr. Chard, My 8th grade science teacher for that one. Well, that's my reflection for you.

Normality

I'm different, you would know that by reading everything else I've written. Nothing's wrong with me, but I feel like there is something. I'm normally quiet and don't talk at all unless spoken to. I don't really have questions. I know what I want to know, but as much as I want to be different I want to be normal too like everyone else. Always talking in groups, huddles, about anything. There's always that want to be normal, although I wouldn't trade what I know now for it. It's too hard to "improve my personality" and be more talkative with kids I know. I think I'm pretty nice to strangers, I can easily strike up a conversation, I think, with someone I don't know but it won't last very long. If the other person talks that's all that would keep it going, I only wish to be like that sometime even though I really can't... I can talk a lot over the internet, and be "deeper"(like the emos, haha so sad they just whine about everything...) or actually be deep at all, because I think of my computer as some friend or secret diary that I can trust and tell it how I feel. I guess that's what this is, a secret diary. I only hope someone sees this--the same way people look at websites of someones diary only to figure out at the end they commited suicide-- and is moved by it sooner or later by what I've written. When I think about things like that, I try to think about when I die. Will I be idolized and greater in death than life? Or will I be completely forgotten and not be "figured out", like the other 2000 kids that commit suicide in this country and be just a statistic? I do know though I would never commit suicide, if you've read you would know. What's sad is how these kids who are just like me ask questions like I do, but haven't been able to anwer them convincingly and convert to atheism or what-not... So now I sit and think about my future: Will I have one? Will I be important in any way? It's just weird, I feel like I have nothing to live for. I definitely won't be able to be in love, im too... me. Maybe I'm not mature enough or something because I feel weird thinking about doing it, with another human. When I think about other humans I consider everyone family in a way, so it's just not possible to really love someone, let alone, do it. Unlike most people, I don't care about doing it and probably don't expect to, my hormones are controlled in some way I don't really know how. I think of myself as innocent in this world while everyone else is doing things, so if I do end up doing it, I would have less self esteem or something and would want to keep my innocence. I love being innocent, like a baby, there's nothing more beautiful than seeing a baby try to walk, talk, eat, move, or even live. They're so innocent and it feels like perfection in its purest form. It's 11:23 now so I want to go to sleep "early", I'll be on tomorrow I suppose, it's Friday why not, where else would I be?... Just to talk about next post: College, life, whatever else pops up. No quotes this time, have to sleep quick.

Birthday

It's my birthday, finally. I've had this bad headache all day and it's not a present I wanted. What's good though is that I recieved 200 dollars for being born, it was nice, since you know I'll be saving it for the system fund. I can't wait to get my license even though I don't really drive much or that well yet, I really need practice. The back of my eye is where it really hurts. Sinus problems are so worthless, although I guess we still need the feeling of reality and how weak and small we really are compared to the universe once in a while... This headache is rough. I have homework or I have a bed to sleep in, let's see which one I pick.

Back with fact

Wow, It's already May 7th. I'm finally finished with my AP and SAT exams and I don't know what to do with myself. My life feels complete I mean, your whole life people have been telling you, "Do well on those SATs kids" all the time. My whole life leads up to this landmark point, now that I'm done with it and it feels like there's nothing else to do. I only hope I did well in it, I think I owned the math section, but don't think the verbal was good. Now it's about 4:30 on a saturday... I should be out or something, staying inside too long is a really bad experience. I want to drive, see the world, meet new people, do whatever I want. Freedom is good.

Now, back to the "homosexual gene", even though I am muslim it's hard to believe there may very well be one. So what I want to say is that this world is a test as we all know, we have overwhelming evidence that a God does exist and because of that, I'm more likely to follow what He says. Now, as we all know there are alcoholism genes as well, even if the Qu'ran forbids drinking, the genes are there; now maybe as well a gay gene may be found, whatever the case. You have to understand this world is a test. Even if there are genes, some things canbe controlled. This is the case with alcoholism and homosexuality and whatever else influences personality. We can change those and choose what we want, that's very true. If you're gay you could have sex women too, it's not like your banned from them! So, this is how I feel. There has to be a God, the evidence is there use your eyes, this world is too perfect to be created by chance. I deny darwinism on that fact, this world's perfection gleaming everywhere straight down to the smallest units, atoms and cells. Human personality may not be perfect, but it's part of the test. So think about it, there's so much evidence. The perfect ratio's of gasses in the air, perfect orbit around the sun(if we were any closer we would fry; any further and we'd freeze), the perfection in animals themselves(some butterflies look almost exactly like a leaf, straight down to the vessels, how can you argue with that?!), water freezes from the top down not bottom up like every other liquid(to support life, for a reason!), Just even look at ourselves! How could "chance" be so great to create our brains when we can't even understand how they work yet with all of our technology/power? It had to be created! How about our eyes? They can only function as a whole, not in parts, if the eye doesn't lubricate itself with tears it will eventually go blind. Think about that, evolution takes millions of years, an eye going blind because of no-tears is maybe a few days or few weeks. So every part had to be created all in one shot because it's impossible for the eye to work without its subsystems. What about our immune system as well? Without it we'd be dead in a short amount of time, evolution takes it's millions of years, there's no way we could stay alive for that to happen! What about our heart and lungs? The heart cannot survive for more than a minute without the lungs, you think it could happen in a million years? Every new species, or disease we find is created. What do you think about the new strain of AIDS, "super aids" , which is immune to almost all drugs. It's for a reason: Stop having gay sex. New animals? What about the Tick? Lyme's was discovered not too long ago, and I know myself how annoying those little things can be, it's unbelievable. It's like you can't camp out anymore or you'll get one.

This is only a small list of things that show how perfect everything is. There's so much more evidence, look around. Have you ever wondered how beavers were such great engineers? Guess who taught them. Some termites as well show how this teaching is especially true. The first part of this "amazingness" is that these special termite's are BLIND, however, they manage to build mini-skyscrapers with amazing design: Special chambers for the young, fungus production fields and the queen's chamber are only a few of the sections in a termite nest. More importantly, there is a special ventilation system. They need this humid air because their skin is very thin. Without proper regulation, these termites would die. But how could blind termites know these kinds of things? Where to place the vents, or chambers? They can't see anything, how? You see? It all makes sense, even if you try to hide from it the truth is there. I was an atheist too like some of you, and being one is very ignorant. But I know why I was an atheist now, I had no proof, probably went to the wrong websites where others used their own propaganda to support it. I'm pretty damn lucky to figure this all out and now as the sun shines down into my room I think: "it all makes sense." Just like the idea that we as humans are all equal under God, there is no heirarchy like in the Catholic church, which has been changed enough times by humans and not really, I believe, a "valid" religion. I mean it's just because it's been fiddled with so much by men but, as long as you are monotheistic, you should be able to get into heaven, no gurantee's though. That depends on how you act and what your beliefs are in this wonderful "exam" of ours.

So even if you think you are gay, an alcoholic, or whatever you can change and you probably should change routes and follow the right path. Be it Islam, Judaism, Christianity, or whatever form of monotheism. Just be sure you have the evidence to back yourself up, as I have, and keep learning and going the right way. Well it's been fun, I'm going to read soon and research more.

"In the long run, evil in the extreme will be the end of those who do evil. For that they rejected the signs of Allah and held them up to ridicule." (Qur'an, 30:10)

Hiatus

Hey, I'm back after nine days... I won't be back until after my birthday though. No, I'm not going anywhere. I just have a lot to study for: SAT's, AP's, and my own enrichment. It's like all of these things are passing by so quickly. The school year just flew by and is still redlining. So, this is just a notice for anyone who reads or wants to read more, I doubt there are.
I don't know if I mentioned this in the post before, but I'm going to try to write my own book. You're probably like WOW!, but we'll see. Most of this information will come from a few websites I know and I'll try writing most of it myself which will be a challenge. I don't mind, this isn't going to be a quick project. I want this to take time so I can carve a masterpiece.
Oh also, I'm currently reading Dante Alighieri's Divine Comedy. Great book so far I'll be on the sixth Cantos in a few minutes. Afterwards, I have my own to-read list which include these other books: Virgil's Aenied, Geoffry Chauncer's The Canterbury Tales, and to finish up Johann Wolfgang von Goethe's Faust. After I'm done reading those--It'll be a while--I'll find more great books to read. The internet is an amazing universe. There's so much to learn it's amazing.
My favorite informational/encylopedical website has to be Wikipedia. Their whole philosophy is great. I love how there's open source editing on their files, even if there are a few "trolls" who try to screw things up. One of their most potent idea's may be the Wikiversity, where it's bascially an e-college. It's a great idea, but it's not really a large project yet. We need more credible professors from other universities to help out, which I doubt would happen. Either way, it's a great idea, kid's can learn what they want without having to really pay the 40 grand a year for it. Maybe it doesn't even have to be for college, there's a high school course too for kids who want to learn things themselves but can't.
Ok well, it's Friday and I've got an exact week until my AP and SAT exams. This is going to be tough, I wan't to try to "asian" the tests but that may be bad as well. My grades are alright but if they see a Great SAT score they'll think, "This kid is probably lazy, we don't want him." I need some congruity between my grade point average and my SAT score, despite this, I still want my SAT scores to be great.
Another quote,
Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge.
-Mark Twain

Philosophy

A philosopher is a person devoted to studying and producing results in philosophy. The word, "philosopher," literally means "lover of wisdom." en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philosopher

So I guess you could consider me a philosopher. I do in fact, love wisdom. I can't imagine life without knowing what I do now. Although what I know is feeble in comparison with others. All I have really is understanding in science and religion. I feel like my life is complete; that what I have is what others spend their life searching for. With this profound knowledge it's hard to imagine that others haven't been enlightened too. It's weird as well, other philosophers today are not as famous as the ones from the past. We know so much more today it's like this knowledge is worthless, the prior authors have answered our questions. In a way it's like, the earlybird gets the worm, except we can't really choose to be early or late. They're the lucky one's who were made before and are much more well known becuase they figured it out first. Now there's technology like computers that we have much more to research but besdies that all we have to do is live our lives and wait until it's all over. I foresee a period of enormous happiness, where society decays and everyone is glad. Something big will happen, after much ignorance and excessive bloodshed which is currently occurring in this world. When will this happiness take place? That's not for me to know, even being the "wisdom lover" that I am. I just hope somewhere along the line I see from here or above a great echoing, "I told you so!" Today life is more precious since it's being more easily taken away with the exponential developments of technology. With a pull to a semi circular trigger, being liquidated by nuclear bomb, or any of the other seemingly infinite ways to Hell's "nirvana". Being born in the first place is tough as well. We're born from a competition with millions of other competitors, to be chosen to live and taking that gift for granted is unappreciative. An interesting thought: Perhaps no matter which one wins, the same soul is given to it. That would make sense in some ways as well as an uplifting thought. (If you don't know what I'm talking about "which one wins" think about Biology and then a male's reproductive system.)

Today I've been reading a lot and felt really inspired, it was an interesting and seemingly rare moment for me. So I decided to write although, not about this. I've been reading about the alleged existence of a "gay gene" which has prompted me to think deeply about it, it will probably be the topic of my next post. The reason is because too many people including kids in my school believe that there is a gene and that it's more acceptable nowadays. They are people too, you don't just treat them like outcasts and label them. I'll have more info about the issue next, my idea's are just waiting to come out.

This quote seems to back up my first paragraph about philosophers best,
All intelligent thoughts have already been thought; what is necessary is only to try to think them again.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe(This guy rules)

Depression

"Alas! My ecstasy is when I pick the ripe fruit from the tree of destiny and cherish it. For when nothing new happens and all is perfect, another Apple is bitten. Our imperfections are ironically... perfect. So embrace each pear, apple, orange, and other variety rather than scorn them. " - I wrote something myself this time.

Depression is so... dumb. There's no benefit to it, except for some fruity bands dressed in black singing about how "sad" they are and how much money they get from sad pizza faced teenagers. If you keep talking about how sad you are it will only get worse, you're not saving yourself. There are things you can do though, there's always religion whatever it may be as long it's one of the "big three." I don't know about the other smaller ones but as long as you believe in one God, that's enough. If your like me who wanted the truth rather than just faith to prove it, I'll help. I've done enough work to figure all of this stuff out and asked a scholar any questions I had and it all fit. After figuring this stuff out, I can't understand how I wanted to kill myself over something as dumb as looks. My idea of myself changed as well, I just hated myself enough back then to think I was ugly and worthless. I guess I'm not. I hope to help someone who was in my position that would probably make me a lot happier and feel like my life is complete. It's weird, I just want to do my part too... But it's hard when so many are led the wrong way. I know there's no way to change everyone, so to help a few people and have them thank me would be more than enough for me.

Hmm, anyways... Love is probably the number one cause to depression. Romanticism is a tool used by the devil to trick people into killing themselves for reasons like, "If I can't have you I can't live." Love was made by God to love Him first, now that's something you probably haven't though of, right? "Love has been given to humanity so that it may be shown foremost towards God, who created us from nothing, who provides for us, gives us every blessing, and who promised us an eternal life filled with happiness. Also, love is an emotion that must be directed towards those who love God and whom God loves, that is, to believers. A person is loved for his closeness to God, his fear of God, and his care to protect His prerogatives. All these forms of love are directed toward God, and toward those objects in which His attributes are manifested. In fact, for a believer to feel love for the enemies of God and His religion is forbidden in the Qu'ran."

He also doesn't want you to hurt yourself and thinking your closer to him by doing that. "For example, there are Christians who think they are drawing closer to Jesus by having themselves crucified. In certain Oriental religions, such as Buddhism, starving oneself, sleeping in an uncomfortable place, and other forms of "self immolation," are supposed to make one holy. The problem is that there is no such idea that in the Qu'ran that a person should cause himself pain, "God does not wrong people in any way; rather it is people who wrong themselves." (Qur'an, 10:44) "

"It is interesting that people, whom Satan has misled through sentimentalism, seem to be drawn to ill feelings such as pessimism, hopelessness, sorrow, grief, and depression. Instead of living with the peace of mind resulting from putting one's trust in God, people commit themselves into continual sorrow." So depression is just stupid, it's a tool and nothing more.

That's my post about depression and my little religion course interweaved. I hope you had fun reading it because you probably didn't. Here's a little passage from Johann Wolfgang von Goethe's Faust. Mephistopheles plays the devil and is talking to God in this scene:

Mephistopheles

Since, O Lord, you near me once again,

To ask how all below is doing now,

And usually receive me without pain,

You see me too among the vile crowd.

Forgive me: I can’t speak in noble style,

And since I’m still reviled by this whole crew,

My pathos would be sure to make you smile,

If you had not renounced all laughter too.

You’ll get no word of suns and worlds from me.

How men torment themselves is all I see.

The little god of Earth sticks to the same old way,

And is as strange as on that very first day.

He might appreciate life a little more: he might,

If you hadn’t lent him a gleam of Heavenly light:

He calls it Reason, but only uses it

To be more a beast than any beast as yet.

He seems to me, saving Your Grace,

Like a long-legged grasshopper: through space

He’s always flying: he flies and then he springs,

And in the grass the same old song he sings.

If he’d just lie there in the grass it wouldn’t hurt!

But he buries his nose in every piece of dirt.

I like how he's a bit comedic as well as truthful... I'm done writing.

Focus

I'm going to start reading tomorrow as soon as I wake up. As much as possible before the day's strawberry hued end. I'll end up reading three books as I progress: Goethe's Faust, Dante's The Divine Comedy, and Chauncer's The Canterbury Tales. They're all long as hell but I really want to finish them all, even if I have to read for the SAT's. Damn, the SAT's are such a waste of time. After reading these three books I'll look for more, maybe look into some Neitzsche stuff just because I've heard so much about him. This is what vacations are for anyways, right? Reading, haha. Although reading off of the computer screen is different than reading a book. To me its gleam distracts me and gives me an unexplainable urge to play games or listen to music. I'll try to make it seem like a school day, that might work. Wake up and start reading at about 7 AM. I hope there are some Red Bull's to help me concentrate, they really help. I'm sure you're like Wtf? Who's Johann Wolfgang von Goethe or Geoffry Chauncer? I was just looking around at some college's academic courses for an English major(not that I want to major in it) and saw Chauncer and John Milton's name in there. So from there I found out some other things and a few hours later here I am writing to you. Here are some aphorisms from Neitzsche "What is Genius? -To aspire to a lofty aim and to will the means to that aim." ; "Friendship and Marriage. - The best friend will probably get the best wife, because a good marriage is based on talent for friendship." ; "Help yourself, then everyone will help you. Principle of neighbor-love." ; "End and goal. - Not every end is the goal. The end of a melody is not its goal; and yet as long as the melody has not reached its end, it also hasn't reached its goal. A parable."

I'm Off.

Answers

Hmm, I'm trying to think of something to write about once again. It's feels like I've written all that I want, but that's not what I want. The weekend was fun, this coming up week is fun, life is fun. I don't know. It's like I've got nothing to ask myself because everything has been answered... Well let me start somewhere by showing you this link, http://www.oldamericancentury.org/14pts.htm . It shows 14 different points of how America is becoming fascist. The only one I could really disagree on would be on rampant sexism, I think #9... Looking back into my other blogs I gave myself some idea's to write about. Like, The importance of reading, studying, and habits or How to develop a genius child. Disadvantages, etc. I think I'll just frag two with one rail(If you don't play Quake 3 you probably don't get it.)

Reading is the most fundamental, important thing you can do. Think about it, if you couldn't read how different would your life be? What would you know? Basically nothing besides how-to labor and simple things like that. For me, I can't stand not knowing something. School curbs my curiosity, so I read and wonder. To wonder is to begin to understand and I love to undertake a new journey as much as possible before the days end. Studying is very important as well, without it I probably wouldn't know as much things that I've taught myself throughout the year. Having good habits for learning is one way to ensure it. Coming home from school and taking 2 hours to do your homework is good, but taking the rest of the time after that to learn something extracurricular is the best way. With some guidance and discipline that would be a beneficial thing to do for your kids. They'd thank you later for that no matter how much they complain then. Just make sure you teach them about religion, it will answer most of the questions that others have spent their lives figuring out or others who spent a few seconds with a gun and a finger on the trigger. There's no such thing as dumb questions just dumb answers. When you reach some point of above-average potency you'll see respect. What is life without being able to read?

How to develop a genius, a question wondered by many and is painstakingly obvious. Do it yourself. If you want your kid to read, help them find it within themselves. After that don't just leave it up to the schools, teach them as much as you can everyday. That's why homeschooled kids seem to be smarter than average Americans. Go ahead and teach your kid how to do Math when he's not even in school, you'll be surprised. Spending time with your kid is very important, they'll feel better and so will you. Even if it's hard to, make your cherished time as productive and effective as possible. There's nothing that would shock teachers more than seeing how some student is doing algebra while the others are still adding. I mean think about it, it's obvious. The only problem with having a smart kid is that they'd be made fun of by some insecure kid. Well, just try to have him do pushups everyday and get him stronger. No weights until about sophomore year in high school. Running around, eating healthy, and pushups is just as effective. If your kid is smart and strong, I don't know what to say. He'll probably very envied, but it's not that you want them to have it. It's just a repercussion of habits and parental intervention.

Whatever the case, it's up to you. "The important thing is not to stop questioning.",
"Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value." Einstein
On top of it all, if your having trouble helping someone learn try remembering what it was like to not know rather than make fun of.
"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." Ralph Waldo Emerson

April 7

Apparently my English isn't great according to the kids in my computer science class. They edited my letter to the principal and yeah it's true, the english is pretty damn bad. That explains my grades in the classes over the years, I read and things sure but never managed to study grammar. So I'll be doing it on my own, the teachers in our school won't waste their time teaching a junior things like that. Instead, they make fun of them and compare them to middle and elemtary school students, but hey. I've always wanted to know how to write english well, so I'll really study this website and try to teach myself it as well as I can. Maybe my memorizing or something. Whatever way I do it my goal is the same. http://www.dailygrammar.com/archive.shtml It was written by some awsome english teacher who retired after like 20 or so years. Gotta love the teachers, I have a lot of respect for them. If my posts on this blogger end up more interesting and better, that's a goal I'd like. It's too bad I didn't learn as much as I wanted to when I was younger. I was too busy being a gamer- which I don't mind - but I could have learned a lot. I guess my time starts now. I'm starting to feel like the SAT's will roll by and I'll just fail them like, beyond horrible. If only I paid more attention when I was younger... That's where the real seperation begins between kids and most of my friends are on the smarter side of it while I'm somewhere on my own. April 7th already, wow. I'm going to start studying for the SAT's now before they murder me later. Karl Marx's last words, "Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough." Say what you want before you die and you won't regret it.

Ramblings

The beginning of a new month, April. Next month I turn 17 and I don't have my license. It's embarassing sometimes but it's not really a necessity for me. I hope a lot of fun is coming up for us all in the next few months. I've got so much homework thanks to that gay suspension and just can't do it all. It's too hard to concentrate and work over here because everything is a distraction. Maybe I should start going to the library more to study on my own and read good books. I have the internet, thank God, for all of the information anyone may want. I like to go to websites like Wikipedia where I can read up on things that I've always wanted to know. I like considering myself an autodidact, I guess it makes me feel more special or better about myself. Although I'm not really a great example. I don't go home and read books or listen to music or anything like that. For me, it's different. I just read stuff that I want to know about instead of reading novels. I would like to read novels and be like that but, there's no routine or motivation strong enough. Laziness is really dumb, I hate that because it's hard to change over and work. I've totally given up in classes like Latin, I do absolutely nothing because I know nothing. I can't seem to have the structures and rules in my head when translating or whatever we're doing. It's easy to say you're going to want to do something until you get home and you have to test yourself to do it. I like working, I do work in other classes, errands, around the house. There is my workout routine which is great for me but after that, there's nothing. As soon as I enter the home the computer is used. From there it's just playing games or doing some small amount of homework. My problem could be with the games or the computer itself, it keeps me from working. I just remembered how the SAT's are coming up, and quick. I really need to start studying on this even though I don't want to. It's stupid how America just tests kids their whole life over and over. Public schooling is dumb, politicians think if you keep putting money in there the problem is solved. Why is it private schools spend half as much and graduate more students? These are all facts I've given before. I'll try to keep away from the computer after school and see how that affects my work. It's late and I have school for this week and then a vacation next week, awsome. Here's another quote to leave you with, "You can't ever teach anyone anything, you can only help them find it within themselves."

The other side

Boo. I don't know what to say about April 1st. I've been out of the school this whole week so going back to it on this day is like a joke. I shouldn't be going to school! I've been talking about death and things with Kevin and things are really weird. All these good friends you've known through high school die in car accidents like "electricbaby", some girl I knew in Diablo 2. I played with her a lot and we were good friends and then for a week or two she wasn't online. Her brother came on one day and told me how she died in a car accident. I was shocked, and didn't believe it until her brother never logged her name again. It's so sad, good people are the ones that don't deserve it but get it. The good die young is true no matter how many times you hear it. I guess babies who die are the truly good. You could say that a good life isn't how long you lived but how you lived your life. For some that means do all the drugs they can get their hands on and have as much sex as possible, but why? They think that's a good life to live? Well, it's the average American stereotypic view on how to live life. But think about it, why not religion? That should immediatly make drugs a joke because life on this planet is so short. It's not about doing as much bad stuff as you can, but doing as much good since your in heaven for an eternity. What would you pick: 100 years of drugs and parties or an eternity of happiness? What do you get out of the drugs and parties in the end? It's sad but that's how people live, there's no point. I've got my way and hope you find yours. I actually have school for the first time in a long time today so I have to sleep.

Fate

"To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. That is to have succeeded." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Really nice quote. It reminds me of how Semso helped save his girlfriend from suicide. It's really hard to imagine that but it could have happened. I view him as a sort of hero in that way because of how someone can help and prevent really bad things from happening. Suicide is not the way to go. I feel sad when I read up on other people on the internet who killed themselves. I think to myself that maybe I could have prevented that in some way; I want to help. You know, when I was younger and dumber I actually thought about doing it. That's when I was a bit atheist and denied the truth. When I think about it, who knows, I could have died if my life went in another direction and read false books and believed it. I'm really glad now that this is what's happened since then, and that I'm not "just another" sad story. Maybe the reason why I didn't go in the wrong direction is because I am too cowardly to do it, and because I want to leave this world with a respectable reputation or life that would be interesting enough to be remembered in history. That's probably my main goal, but I doubt it would happen unless I steal a history book and write myself in there somewhere. Maybe I should be a do-gooder and help out everyone like Mother Teresa, I don't know. Well, I'm going to sleep to watch some "movies". Talk to you later.

Realization

What isn't there to talk about? Let me start by saying again that the note was a bad idea. Semso's calling me a stalker and saying she's scared of me? That scares me. I don't ever want to scare someone like that, it doesn't make sense. So I guess it's done for, no problem. It's a good thing I read a few things before that changed my idea's on love. Some people say, if I can't have you I won't be able to live. Sure... Some others kill themselves too after seeing they can't have someone, that's dumb. There's no good reason to kill yourself --probably besdies Euthanasia which I don't know what to say about. There really isn't, you've been given the greatest gift and take it for granted. So, enough of that, I'll move on. I just don't want her to be scared at all, my intentions are for good not stupid stuff like scaring people. I'll still feel it once in a while yeah, but I've got no regrets and that's important to me, I guess. There's so many other people in the world, even if you think there isn't. It's Really hard to imagine 6 billion people lined up, that's true, but that's how many people there are! So look at the world from a different and larger point of view, there's so much to do.

This weekend was really fun, besides the fact that I got suspended. Thursday night Wathen and I drove around and did nothing really, that was ok since I got to drive his car up my street. Friday I went to Semso's, we rented NBA Street V3 and it was boring all day since he didn't want to go anywhere, plus that game sucks. I played it for the first time today and beat his ass in it. So on saturday we went to the NY International Auto Show, now that was awsome. Being around so many exotic, foreign, concept, and new factory cars was amazing since it was my first time going to any show like that. The cars there were nothing short of awsome. Lamborghini, Ferrari, Saleen, Audi, Mercedes-Benz, BMW, Ford, Nissan, and whatever else was there. My muscles ached from standing up for so long plus, we worked out the day before and my back had it the worst. Then from there we just walked around and sooner or later headed home. That was like 10 and got home at 12. Then we watched Hostage, pretty crazy film. The whole storyline was good and what got me had to be the scary stoner/goth kid who's death was a "movie" ending. It's something that I could have created, the goth comes up behind this guy throws a molotov cocktail at some cop, he dies. Then the goth walks in the room with Bruce Willis, this girl, and the girls brother. He throws a cocktail into some corner then loses his energy when trying to throw one at the girl but instead drops to his knees. He has a little flirt scene with the girl where love overcomes him. He couldn't throw the Molotov at her, instead he drops it on the floor(Which sucks because the alcohol goes on his body and he's soon in flames). That's the scene that's going to stick to me from the movie. Because that's the kind of scene that I could make, I really think that there is an ability in me to be a writer of movies. My dreams are so vivid and beautiful, and that's what I like. The freedom of dreaming within myself, it could be about anything and still be fun. Well, it's almost 2 AM and don't know what to do. I've been sitting, thinking, and writing since 12:44. Maybe I should go to sleep and study in the morning.

"Don't ever be afraid to tell someone how you feel because if you are then you could miss out on the greatest thing in your life." If only... That's not for me to decide. The quote means something, I've taken most of my advice and thank others for making mistakes so that I didn't have to but learned from it as well. Whenever I go back to Europe, I know my oppurtunity awaits. You know sometimes I try to fit a quote here that can change someone's life, something written so beautfully and perfectly. The more I try the more I realize there isn't one that powerful, just a realization or end result. Just like major events don't occur without a series of minor events. You understand? I hope so. I'll try to add them anyways. G'Night.

Public education, what a joke. I got suspended today for "hacking". The dolts at administration obviously have no idea what it really is and neither does their "great" technician. Curiousity is crushed by the dumbasses. They can't even secure their own network, HOW DID THE TECHNICIAN GET HIS JOB? He is an Idiot. I really hate them all, I don't understand how they can live with themselves. They lie, cheat, are greedy, worthless, and are just not respectable kinds of people. I won't go on to mentioning names because I'll probably get into more trouble. They have the dumbest people in the world working there is all I have to say.

Back to public education, it's a bad idea, "One out of three students entering high school doesn't graduate? Minority students are twice as likely as whites to drop out. Even students who get their diploma have the reading and math skills expected of middle school students in other nations. Why? Establishment politicians say that the solution is more money and higher taxes. Yet, private institutions, which spend half of what public schools do, graduate a larger percentage of their students with higher levels of academic achievement. Interesting? Sylvan Learning Centers, an after-school tutoring service, guarantees that students will advance one grade in their chosen subject with only 36 hours of instruction. Ombudsman Educational Services specializes in educating high school drop outs. Students advance one grade level in about 20 hours of instruction. How can these two private schools be so successful for half the price? Both tailor their educational program to each individual's needs, instead of offering a one-size-fits-all program that government regulations demand of public and private institutions. We need deregulation.Today bureaucrats decide when children will attend school, how long they will attend, who will teach them; and what they will learn. Parents and teachers should make these decisions. Through deregulation, education will be so affordable that charitable scholarship organizations will be easily able to help those in need. We will once again be the most literate nation on earth." It's all true. Public education is retarded, plus we need to fire people like the one's I'm thinking of just because they don't deserve it and aren't smart enough. I don't understand how you could argue against this, you can't. This is the truth although, some may fear change it won't be bad. Like they say, change is good. It all depends on the subject, in this case, it's very good.

I'm pretty sure that note of mine was a screw-up. My cousins been telling me I "jumped the gun", and I guess he's right, it's going to be awkard seeing her again. So, well that's over. My good intentions never work out like they do in the movies. Instead of being soft at first just show a hard look, apparently girls like that crap. Then show the soft side privately. It seems that keeps it lasting longer, because they like the softness as much as the toughness. Yeah, you can see I'm bad with people or just people that are special to me. Don't show weakness, how dumb. This world is full of phonies, I understand what he meant by that. He who? You know... Holden. I've been told I write the way Salinger does in the stories, I don't know if I do, but that's pretty cool if it's any true.
I'm going to read some stuff tomorrow for fun, that story Thoreau wrote about being with Nature, I forget the name it's something with a W. Then some other stuff.

Here is another entry for my ever-growing mind. Hopefully my(these) contributions to the world will be important in someway.(Yeah, right...) We'll see.

The Good Die Young

D12 LYRICS

"Good Die Young"

[Intro]
Dawg....I shouldn't have left, They wouldn't have tried this shit if I was wit ya
Maybe we would have picked another time
Or chose anotha way
Or maybe my prayers would have convinced him to choose another soul
Shit, it's just me, mum and Tony now
Man you look so peaceful right now... how can I argue wit that
They say...

[Chorus]
They say the good die young,
Thats why I think that you should have fun (when your young)
Cos time won't wait for noone (uh huh)
When god calls, you gotta go home (go home)

They say the good die young, (die young)
Thats why I know that we go' have fun,
In this life cos you only get one
When God calls for me, don't cry till I just went home

[Kon Artis]
It's true that everybody heard, there mama say every days like this
When you see, one of your friends die in the mist
In the struggle, went through circumstances
Arrested every day just to prove a point to a friend
Even then, accidents are prone to happen to any man
A woman is dumb enough to pretend
That her, god won't hold them accountable for sins
If they commit, they try to repent the sense of Repent
But I guess (thats just the way things go)
I was blessed to see 24 (24)
To wake up to that "Hi, my name is" video
Motivated me to write what i wrote
And I knew my little brother sold dope
An mom and daddy want to move our road
I did it, I still got a lot to prove and show
I just which we aint have to lose Bugz to the struggle
Cos you know...

[Chorus]
They say the good die young,
Thats why I think that you should have fun (when your young)
Cos time won't wait for noone (uh huh)
When god calls, you gotta go home (go home)

They say the good die young, (die young)
Thats why I know that we go' have fun,
In this life cos you only get one
When God calls for me, don't cry till I just went home

[Bizzare]
I know you used to Bizzare on some silly shit
But Niggas in my cliq, is dying quick
In detroit, niggas don't party
They pull a .44 out, snatch off bacardis
Thats why I keep the pistol under the trunk
Im 27 years old, too old to be gettin jumped
And fuck rap, I miss Karnail Pitts, b-u-g-z
Tattoed on my wrist
Me and you in the jeep, listen to swing beats
It's a shame me and Fuzz don't even speak
I got married, my wife name is D
Peace to 31 and 51-50, miss you

[Kuniva]
I came back on that tragic, my phone rung
And Bizarres voice tellin me, Bugz was gone home
It was like a knife piercing my chest and I couldn't breath
I didn't wanna accept it, didn't wanna believe it
I swear with this weight dawg, I cried so hard
Literally, Denaun had to carry me to the car
While I stand in this booth now it's tearin me apart
But I had to let it out cos it was tearin at my heart
Cos he died over somethin so petty and so small
A human life is so very precious I hope ya'll
Understand how I'm feelin cos I love you bugz
I wanna rhyme wit you, laugh wit you, hug you bugz
But I can't and you was so close to seein dreams
A coward came along and took you away from the team
So don't mistake this track, it's just another song
This goes out to everyone who lost a loved one
Cos you know

[Chorus]
They say the good die young,
Thats why I think that you should have fun (when your young)
Cos time won't wait for noone (uh huh)
When god calls, you gotta go home (go home)

They say the good die young, (die young)
Thats why I know that we go' have fun,
In this life cos you only get one
When God calls for me, don't cry till I just went home

[Proof]
They say it's never too late, to have an early childhood
If I could, turn back the hands of time, God should
Forgive what i did as a kid to run blocks
Now my dreams are just dream cops and gun shots
The fun stops when your homies up in a box
My dudey bole, rest his soul, snuffed by the cops
I use to ?? a lot, if theres a guy by me say somethin
If you love her so much why didn't u gave nothin
When he took my homie, snuck was only in 11th grade
Now I hope to see your face at the heaven gates
It aint never late in the game, this hatin remains
With a grudge to see slugs straight through my frame
My heart aches with the pain, the life in his breath
We gotta have fun now, theres only minutes left
In the depth, distress young as a ??? did
To get tats of my fallen homies, I aint got enough skin

[Chorus]
They say the good die young,
Thats why I think that you should have fun (when your young)
Cos time won't wait for noone (uh huh)
When god calls, you gotta go home (go home)

They say the good die young, (die young)
Thats why I know that we go' have fun,
In this life cos you only get one
When God calls for me, don't cry till I just went home

[Swifty]
When I was younger I knew four brothers that wasn't wise
That crash and the driver died,
My partner on the passenger side was paralysed
And Im surprised by the look of that ride that the other peeps survived
Nine months later another one died
Somebody shot him in the side when he was startin up his ride
3 years go by, I made a hell of a run
And thats when funky got done, a joey playin wit guns
And tookie over funds, karty was my man
And reggy, I wish that I was wit you in that van
And Bugz if it wasn't for you
You know I wouldn't be standin in this booth,
Thats the truth, I miss ya'll...

[Chorus x2]
They say the good die young,
Thats why I think that you should have fun (when your young)
Cos time won't wait for noone (uh huh)
When god calls, you gotta go home (go home)

They say the good die young, (die young)
Thats why I know that we go' have fun,
In this life cos you only get one
When God calls for me, don't cry till I just went home


From Senad's Profile:

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.

A brief candle; both ends burning
An endless mile; a bus wheel turning
A friend to share the lonesome times
A handshake and a sip of wine
So say it loud and let it ring
We are all a part of everything
The future, present and the past
Fly on proud bird
You're free at last.

Hashem and Joe M: many memories that weve had together that ill never forget. Luv u guys..
Gov Set
R.I.P.
Hashem 1/17/84-1/8/04.
http://hamzam.com/

Joe M 9/11/84-3/13/05
http://asp.ccs.neu.edu/home/kajoneky/jm/jm.asp
--------

Although, I didn't know the guys I felt them leave. After seeing the movie The Good Die Young on hamzam.com with Hashem's pictures, it makes you think. If I ever die, I want it to be dramatic somehow, Movielike... Where someone researches stuff about me, and finds this website. Everyone would read it and be like, wow. It's not like I'm Anticipating it, but I'm not afraid of it.

There's no one more important to love and fear except for Allah. All of the evidence used is so significant, but there are still non-believers. "Ignorant people ask questions that we're answered thousands of years ago." People who believe in such trash like, "Prophet of Doom". What a joke, the author attempts to take the Qu'ran, re-write many of its verses to make it sound as an evil, mischevious, war mongering religion. The truth is in the actual Qu'ran, Bible, or Torah. They all share the same values and monotheistic idea's, they just each appeal to different kinds of people, so we have a choice I guess. There's no need to attack each others monotheistic religions, there really isn't. If there's anyone to try to change it would be atheists or the polytheists. However, we can't change everyone, if God had willed, everyone would have been guided. So that's why I give up on converting some people. I'm here just to present the idea's and hope they accept it.

I heard a nice quote somewhere, it was something like this. A baby cries when he is born because he's been seperated from God and wants to go back. It's part of my last poem. It just sounds nice, I don't know what else to say about it.

I was looking at poetry.com now and randomly remembered there was a poem written by me there. It's so badly punctuated but here it is haha,

Crimson Flux

May my flux o'er my body never lay
along my pores, so sudden and flayed
inside my heart, may my blood start
to find a way, in all of the gray
create a path for one's self in the
aftermath, to never stray or run away,
to make a living beneath decay, to
reach high and never slay, think of me
when you pray. Have a family and never hope,
that your wife will never end like me.
For this day is when I expire.And for you
to desire another woman who loves thee as
much as me and live a life without trifle,
be wealthy as should you and I have been,
just a lie told by the omniscient eye.
Ended as the malefic one drew nigh. And
soon to seperate us.Finish the rest
consider today the first day of your
conquest and leave me ablest,you are blessed
and forever more, deserve nonetheless.

Weird, I didn't know I knew those vocab words back when I was 13 haha. Whenever I'm out of idea's I can always just look around the website for what other people wrote about and feed off of that. I just wrote something now and here I've got two names to pick from, "The passing of the Torch" or "The Cycle". Read it and see what you think,

In my dark mind, I begin to percieve
Of this world, what a world, without me.

The hidden beauty is between the ears
For when I die another miracle appears.

A crying baby is born and my mind begins to think...

The baby cries because he's been seperated from Him
My family cries, but I realize that I've returned to Him.

So when, if ever, I die, please don't cry, you will see.
Sooner or later, lover or hater, you'll be up here with me.

I don't know if it's that great, none of my stuff really is. Anyways, I like it.
It's 9:00 PM so, I'm going to finish homework and stuff. Later.

Poetry attempts.

I wrote a few goofy poems today during school and at home. I'm sure the idea's of the poems will change when I write more, but check out what I've got so far:

"Copernicus"
Why is it men are made fun of for knowing?
Don't you see that ignorance is growing?

Their idea's shunned, reputations done,
Sad, lonely, and considered phony.

Exorcised, demoralized, humiliated for fun.

Why, back then, were they outcasts and had their homes razed,
when now, my friend, their idea's are taught and praised?

If you don't know Copernicus' story you probably won't get it.
He was a great astrologist and people rejected his ideas like, the Earth revolved around the Sun, not the other way around.
----------

Whatever happened to the "Individual"?
They try to fit in with groups, some men change.
They toss their best friend out, their clothes, personality and morals.
To use the same personae the "group" uses.
Why did he have to change for them?
Doesn't he see they should like him for who he is,
and not something he pretends to be?
--------

The old man quivers to see his grandchildren wither.
They're fragile, weak, uneducated, meek.
The old man remembers stories from back home when,
there men were actually brave.
Fighting for what's right, keeping culture in tight.
Now looking at his grandchildren to see how the traditions have passed.
They know nothing except for what they see on TV.
It's sad to see how easily a people with a great history have faded black.
--------

This is for the kid who could just never fit in,
No one was like him nor did they like him.
His life was miserable, lonely, and different.
He was amazing at schoolwork, could have changed the world.
But instead, killed himself and others because he couldn't fit in with the world.
While they're all crying on TV in front of the school,
they knew this wouldn't have happened if they hadn't treated him like a fool...
===============

Here was a random thing I was writing afterwards about "Me and movies" and came up with something in a reflection.

Lucidly dreaming love movies. I'm probably too passionate...(Here comes the huge thought spur) That could be why I'm so different! The ideas of these movies are too unrealistic and that's how I feel about life too, unrealisticly. When, in fact, I'm not at all. Interesting... How can I change? Be more realistic(eh), never expect things to go "my way". Because with prior experience, it doesn't, it never has. Be more free, comfortable with myself. I can never fully know myself, "if I did I would run away." It's hard to mean what you think, it's probably the hardest thing I can do. Well, If I think it's hard it will be mentally harder than it really is, so I don't know.

Writing a few times a day keeps the doctor away.

Thinking is easy, acting is difficult, and to put one's thoughts into action is the most difficult thing in the world.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

So true. Remember when I said that the books on my shelf were going to be read? I didn't read them... It's only for 20 minutes. I don't understand why I never get to it.

We lay aside letters never to read them again, and at last we destroy them out of discretion, and so disappears the most beautiful, the most immediate breath of life, irrecoverable for ourselves and for others.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Johann is a great writer, I only really started reading his stuff because of his "IQ". Stephen Hawking regards IQ's and people who boast them as, "stupid" or "morons". It's true.
All of the knowledge I or anyone else has everyone can acquire, think about it.

I'm going to read up more on my poet to research Theodore Roethke. I've already read something from him and he's pretty good at writing.

Every step I will take to get better.

A poem

i love you

sorry i didnt tell you before
i cant keep it in anymore

as weird as this may be
i want to know if,
you want to be with me?


My poem. Short but sweet, or it just sucks. I'll let the recipient decide...

No regrets.

Damn this sucks, I haven't seen her since February 12th. It's like God's message to me to go get my license. I'll see her soon, maybe tomorrow if I'm lucky, or not. These situations are like always against me, I don't know why. I would like my license, but my Mom is scared as hell to drive with me. She drives crazier than me and thinks I'm crazy? I don't know what her deal is. It must be cool though just to drive around by yourself like, "Yeah, I'm the man." Or go to places when your parents couldn't bring you, that's probably the only reason I want mine. Since February 12th, wow... That's too long, way too long. Maybe if my dad goes somewhere there to like my uncles house, I can run to the high school and she's near there. Or even drops me off at the high school, brilliant idea :O I really want to surprise her at her doorstep. All I have to do is follow my heart and who knows what may happen. I did it before on February 12th and it's probably become the happiest day of my life. There is hope. I should get her something, but don't know what. I think I'll just write something to her when I show up. I'll think of something now. Maybe just a simple I love you in big words with or without a picture. I think the whole plan is genius, there's just one problem. I don't know if she'll be home.

Let me think about what to write. On my own ;) Maybe I'll post it on next time.

Some 50 lyrics
Build You Up, the way I feel now.

...
Listen if you let me, I'll b the reason you shine
It's a secret, I want the world to know dat you mine
But on sum real shit, communications could b betta
So I'm writin this song instead of a love Letter.
They gon play it on da radio a hundred times a day
I figure, when you hear it, you gon stop n think of me
I wanna get to know you, and b the reason you Smile
Girl you know where I'm from, you know how I get Down
When times are tough, tell me dat I'm special
Not rap, I mean me, dat I'm special
You know they say diamonds are a girls best friend
Press yo stones, could you put me befo' them
If so, I'll see to it dat they'll always around
Nothin but da best, now how does dat sound
If I drop a jewl when we talk, you can keep it
Girl you on my mind all da time, dat's a secret shhhh
...
When I think about you thinkin dat you feel da same way
Was it juss my 'magination, to get runnin away
If you ready to ride, girl come on, lets roll
G5, how I fly, 'ma lets go
It was hard to measure da pleasure of havin you in my presents
Yo smile makes me smile, I show you my style
We can shop a lil bit, I'll pick out sum shit
One pair at a time, till yo shoe game sick
Now who knows, what the future holds
We be together prolly, fo betta or for worse
Like Whitney and Bobby
If you wanna play house, we can play house then
But wait.. why pretend when you come in (wet) ?
Befo I'll b yo buddy in bed, lemme b yo best friend
Girl it's mo' then lust, I want yo trust
You keep it reel wit me, I keep it reel witchu
Cuz I know witchu by my side, there's nothin I can't do
...

Some more 50 quotes


...
I’m a track star running through life chasing my dream
...
Listen you can call me what you want, black and ugly
But you can't convince me the Lord don't love me
...


An Ol’G told me God’s favorites have a hard time
Your out the hood that’s good now stay on the grind
I’m a sponge knowledge and wisdom my hits yall fast
I’m in a class by myself you do the math...

Today.

Weird day today... I woke up at 9 at my cousins house and feeling trapped, I had to get out. So I did, and headed to the beach which was 20 minutes away and walked down the whole shore untill 9:40. While walking I tried imagining something using symbolism. I was walking on a long strip of shells. So I thought of it as a timeline and each shell represented a thought I had of this somebody. I only wish there was a picture to show you because there was a lot of shells. I felt really nice and met some kind people along the shore. Old people with new found love, lonely people looking for something different, others playing with their dogs and children. A real sweet and delightful scene in such a dark world. If only I could show how I felt there. I want to be a kid again, there's nothing like it. Simple things like laughing, talking, breathing, anything, was so exciting and vivacious. Whenever I look back, there's some light in my mind that makes what I did seem so fun and amazing. I feel like that light is coming back in some way, but not without help. Afterwards, I walked to Post Road and decided I would go to the High School, to see that someone while they least expected it, to surprise her and talk or something... Running most of the way it was around 11:20 and I reached the school. Before I knew it, my phone was ringing and found out it was my dad who was wanting to know where I was to pick me up. Sucks, so I kept running not knowing where she lived but tried to guess and maybe get lucky. Well, that didn't work. If only it did... I could imagine myself in a movie like that. Just going to the door step, ringing the bell, and ask to see her. Then take my hat off and have my hair in "that way" with a little smile on my face and catch her completely by surprise. Just to see the look on her face at that moment, that would stay with me forever. That whole trip was about 15 miles. If it ever was to happen that way, I would run for as long as it takes. There's nothing better than seeing her smile, and hopefully putting that light back into my memories and self. I know I'm different, and it feels good. I've changed in a few ways for the better already, and I'd like her to know if she still thinks about me or not, Thank You...

Got a date with destiny, she's more than a girl