I am pure, unadulterated evil. I did not know this until recently.
I am selfish, crude, and irrational; with no sense of decency.
I am an odious tormentor; all I deserve is destitution.
For I am the Ruiner; and all I ask for is retribution.
If I need to hate someone, I know to look no further.
Words cut like guillotines, and I'm the executioner.
These new feelings; I cannot explain.
Insights are revealing; it'll never be the same.
I don't deserve you, nor do I deserve a second, or first, chance.
I am the issue. Eureka! this is fortuitous happenstance.
What's left of my heart understands,
These secret fibers, these vindictive strands,
Will never allow me to appreciate holding your hands.
I can't accept forgiveness; I know I don't deserve it.
Take my apologies for what they're worth; I know I'm not worth it.
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Those new feelings? All a matter of choice
And not logic, nor I, have a voice.
You seem to rip at me with every chance
What’s undeserved is this cruel, repetitious dance.
What’s left of my heart misunderstands
Why you’d choose to never appreciate holding these hands
Oh, what chaos, what ruthlessness, it withstands.
Within your head must be such a mess
A distended sense of righteousness
What good will come? What good will it do?
My own happiness relies so much on you.
And you are selfish, and you are crude
But so much beauty you exclude.
So much presence, so much great
Nothing I could hate, yet alone berate.
What we once were was so beautiful, so free
Now we are monstrous curls splashing asea
I gasp between the tumbles, “if we”, “if we”,
But its useless, you’ve opted not to hear me.
Something’s so graceful in our friendship, in its purity.
What are the benefits to your obscurity?
It saddens me to say, it only hints at immaturity.
Oh, how I itch to make you see
This isn’t how it has to be.
There are better days for you and me
Although you’ll likely disagree
There is love; there is friendship; there is glee
If you’d only let there be.
But I just can’t understand it. I quit.
I submit. Do with me what you see fit.
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